the semester is almost over

First off, there's something wonky going on with my template. I know, and I'm trying to get it fixed. And then I'm changing my template. Because I can.

I had my last classes of the semester yesterday. It's weird, knowing that all that is left are finals. Except for my phil. class. We handed in the final paper (with minor complications that resulted in a dull headache for me), and there's no final. Which is very very nice.

I have finals Tuesday-Friday. One a day. I think all of them are at 8 AM. Which sucks a lot. Because, really, only truly weird people are fully functional at that time.

So tonight was the big MU-UW Madison game (basketball of course... what else?). I was worried, but the MU men did pretty well for themselves. We won. There were a LOT of people there. The Bradley Center was sold out. And there were a lot of band people... much much more than there usually is. Some of them hadn't shown up to a game yet this season, I think. And they probably won't go to many more games. I, on the other hand, have no life, so I will probably go to quite a few of them.

After the game, I sort of fell into a funk, and that's where I am currently. I got invited to go hang out, but instead, I went home and listened to some music in attempt to unwind after being around massive crowds of people (big crowds of people really intimate me... they never used to bug me, because I could just blend in, but now they make me a bit anxious). I decided to read some Buffy episode transcripts, because I'm a nerd (and I like it that way). Read some of season 4, and a big of season 5, because Riley was in those seasons and I really liked Riley. I mean, he was no Angel, but hey, who is? Plus, Riley was [mostly] so good to Buffy. And he was witty. And sweet. And uh, Marc Blucas (who played him) is a cutie. Plus, I'm a big fan of relationships that end badly... no no. Not badly. I'm not MORBID. Their relationship ended with him saying he was going to leave unless she gave him a reason to stay, and then she ran up to the helicopter as it was leaving and was screaming his name because she thought of a reason for him to stay (because she loved him, of course), but helicopters are loud and he didn't see her and he left. Stuff like that is what I love, even though it puts me in these pensive moods.

Anyways, so I read a bit of dialogue from Riley. He was talking to Xander (one of Buffy and his friends)...

"I'm well aware of how lucky I am. Like, lottery lucky. When I'm with her it's like... it's like I'm split in two. Half of me is just... on fire, going crazy if I'm not touching her. The other half... is so still and peaceful... just perfectly content. Just knows: this is the one. (pause) But she doesn't love me."

It's just so sad, because he KNOWS. Or thinks he knows. Or something. But it's so sweet.

And dammit, I want a guy to think of me like that! Is that so difficult?

Yeah yeah, I know, it's just dialogue from a TV show, yadda yadda, I should get a life, etc. But I can't help it. This is the longest I've gone without a boyfriend... about a year and a half (yeah, boohoo, there are people my age who have never had a relationship. I know all this. Just let me whine!). And in the meantime, I got my heart completely clobbered once and I'm sure I'm primed to have something similar happen soon because I'm too timid to act on my feelings.

I just want a guy who will hug me and rub my back and tell me everything is alright even if it's not and I know he's lying just to make me feel better. Someone who I can cry in front of. Someone who will hug me at the end of the day even if I've been moody and difficult. Is that really so much to ask?

Wow, listen to me bitch about my lack of boyfriendness. But every once in a while, a girl's gotta be able to whine.