Sunday, September 26, 2004

study break nonsense

I should be studying. But then again, I feel like I should always be studying. Anyways...

I took a study break earlier to watch American Dreams and eat some dinner. American Dreams was so good! This was the first new episode since April, so it was exciting. Dinner consisted of spaghetti-os. I really need to go grocery shopping... and not just shopping at Walgreens. I feel like I'm going to get scurvy from lack of fresh fruit-eating. Plus, I'm gaining weight and it probably has to do with the lack of good nutrition. I think I have a fear of becoming fat. Sounds superficial, I know. But Saturday, I kept getting those weird pains in my chest. I hadn't gotten those all summer, so it was a bit surprising. I lost weight all summer, so now I have to wonder if these pains (they come suddenly and don't last long.. kind of like someone is pinching inside my chest for a second or two) are weight related. There's really no point in going to a doctor again, because the last time I did, they made me go to the hospital to get x-rays, and they didn't even find anything. It was just expensive. :sigh:

Another thing about American Dreams... I'm so used to watching American Dreams, then switching channels and watching Alias. As 8 pm rolled around, I felt like I was missing something. It needs to be January, and Alias needs to be back.

This weekend has been pretty dull. With the exception of playing pep band for a few hours, it's been quiet. Lots of sleeping, which was nice.

So this guy I like. I've pretty much convinced myself that he hasn't shown any real interest, so I decided to just get over it. It's funny how my favorite movie is Dead Poets Society, yet I can't even follow the movie's theme of "carpe diem." Thinking about seizing the day just makes me panic. I don't know how to go about doing so. If he's not showing interest and I won't make the first move, then really, it's a hopeless cause. But at the same time, I can't. Even though it's seemingly hopeless (at least from my perspective it is), there's still a tiny little part of me that thinks "hey, maybe he'll get a clue... even though you're not really leaving clues."

This really doesn't need to be as complicated as I'm making it. But I always do that, make things complicated.

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