evil women?

This Monday has been uneventful so far. But I'm sick, so it sucks anyways. However, I made the executive decision to skip phil. and take an extended nap so I can go to band. I know, I know, my priorities may seem kind of skewed. But it's too late now. And we're sightreading in band. I like to sight read.

Oh, and on the way back from class just now, I was stuck walking behind a smoker. My throat is already irritated, thanks... it did not appreciate having to inhale cigarette smoke. Ugh.

So in Shakespeare, we just started reading Macbeth. And someone brought up the fact that a woman (Lady Macbeth) is the cause of all of the evil within the play. And how that wasn't fair. That made me think: people don't like to think of women as evil. By nature, women are supposed to be nurturing, motherly... which all adds up to "kind."

I don't buy that. Women can be just as evil as men. There's no predisposition for women to be nicer than men... it's just societal and cultural. Women are expected to be "nice." But if women are really equal to men, then women have just as much a right to be mean. I mean, ideally, it would be nice if everyone was kind to each other. But that's just not possible (apparently). However, this does not mean that I think that women have a predisposition to be evil... I don't think men do either.

Evil women in literature fascinate me. Maybe because they're better character studies. Maybe because I myself am evil.

Anyways, that's my schpiel of the day. I could blog about my fall break... but I think I'd rather sleep.

next weekend is almost here already. woo.

That's right. The next weekend starts TOMORROW for me. Yay for fall break. Of course, it's just a 4.5 day weekend, but still. Better than nothing. I've been kinda snippy lately, so I think it's good that I can get away for a few days. It might be my introverted self being resentful at all the social life I've had lately.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about this weekend. It was some good fun. Friday night was Midnight Madness... it got boring after a while (as usual) and so Erin (one of the other flute players) and I began making animal noises. She does a really good angry hippo. Ask her about it. After getting home after 1 AM, I went to sleep at around 2 and woke up 6 hours later to play at "Morning Madness" (we watched the women's team's first practice and scrimmage). Came home at around 12:30 to take a looong nap... but not as long as I was planning. The heater pipes were clanging together and my next door neighbor was playing trumpet, so I woke up after about 2 and a half hours. I studied a little, chilled a lot, then got ready for my roommate's big birthday dinner... which was a LOT of fun. We went to the Safe House, which has this whole spy-theme... reminded me a lot of Alias (being the obsessed freak that I am). It was 3 couples... and then another guy, James, and me (a non-couple). It was kind of weird sometimes, but no biggie. At least I knew him and am friends with him... nothing is worse than being with a bunch of couples and a guy you don't know. It's like a blind date. But... not. Not like that I know what a blind date is like (thankfully). ANYWAYS.

Decided not to go dancing after dinner, since it was already about 11, and one of the couples and the guy decided to go home. And rather than go dancing with two couples, I opted to go home too. Don't get me wrong... all four people are good people... but the idea of going dancing with two couples is quite squiffy. Plus, I thought it would be better, with the band concert being the next day and call time being noon.

Which leads me to the band concert. It went quite well, though I messed up a few times. Blah. And it's on DVD. On my solo in one of the marches, the guest conductor made me stand up for it. As I sat back down, everyone applauded, even though the piece was only half over. It was the weirdest feeling ever.

Then I went home and studied. And studied and studied. Oh, and watched Love Actually. I had a midterm today, in theories of personality. I studied a LOT more for it than I did for the first test, so hopefully I did better. I really can't afford another bad grade in that class.

On the other hand, I got my theology midterm back (the one I took last week... apparently it was a midterm. Good to know. I thought it was just a normal test). I got a 97!!

Alright, I suppose I should get some stuff done. I want to try to go to sleep early tonight. But we'll see if that happens (it never does).

Oh, and if you do read this, drop me a comment. I like to know who's reading my blabber. :-) It would be much appreciated and it doesn't take a lot of time.

rant on The Ugly Duckling

It's finally the weekend! Yay! Too bad I have a test on Tuesday that I desperately need to study for. But it's the weekend. And next weekend (well, Wednesday)... I get to go home!! Yay!

So anyways, I have a rant. I was thinking about this while walking back from class the other day (yeah, I think about random things at random times). I can't stand fairy tales. They lie.

I mean, don't even get me started on the whole concept of the beautiful princess in need of rescue by a dashing prince. There is no Prince Charming. And in many stories, the prince kisses the princess without her consent. That would be considered sexual harrassment now. If I was in a coma, I wouldn't want some random guy (who I don't know) kissing me.

And then there's the Ugly Duckling. I used to love that story when I was little. The little ugly grey duckling grew up to become a beautiful swan. I thought I was this ugly little kid and maybe one day, I'd grow up to become a beautiful "swan." Well, I'm grown up (pretty much, anyways) and that hasn't happened. And I know it never will. You can't change how you look. What's wrong with staying "ugly" your whole life? Isn't it more important what is INSIDE you? Well, I guess in this lookist country, that's not entirely true. If you have the intelligence, you have to have the looks too, or you're less likely to be noticed.

Well anyways. That's my rant. Kind of short, but I'm hungry. Watching Friends and eating dumplings commences... now.

getting closer...

Wednesday is about over. The weekend is almost here.

Though really, I have a lot of stuff to do over the weekend, so maybe I shouldn't be so excited. But I am. And I'm even more excited about the weekend than I was when I last blogged (Monday, I think?).

So Friday night is Midnight Madness. Saturday night was supposed to be the flute dinner, but the flute dinner has been changed to a flute "lets have lunch and eat breakfast food." Basically, we're getting together after a pep band thing (that takes place in the morning) that came up kind of last minute. But we're playing for the women's basketball team, so it's all good. We like the women's team. Which means that Saturday night, I can fully celebrate Katie (my roommate) being one year older. Dinner and dancing at some club. I have yet to go to a 21 and over club. And Sunday, of course, is the band concert (Varsity Theater, 2 pm! Not like anyone who reads this actually lives in the area... or do you?).

My stomach has been giving me BIG pains today and yesterday. It comes and goes, but it's not exactly pleasant. I have really strong prescription pain meds... but they make me really really sleepy, and I need to study for about another hour. Plus, if I take a pill now, I won't be able to get up for class. And since I skipped the class on Tuesday, I probably should go on Thursday. Especially since I have a test in that class next Tuesday. It's been three weeks since the last test and this test is going to cover 6 theorists (this is for theories of personality)... which is about 5 chapters in the text (and each chapt. is at least 20 pages). It's a lot of material.

Oh, so today in philosophy, we got our synopses back... I had done mine the night before it was due and had no real clue what it was supposed to be, so I summarized the chapter. My prof was talking about what people did wrong (lots of bullshitting) and then he read out loud part of a paper that he said got it right. He couldn't name the author of course, but as he started reading, I thought "that sounds kind of familiar..." That's right, it was my paper. It was so nice to get something right for once. I got an A on it. :-D

Well, I just made a huge thing of genmai cha, so I'm going to drink that, listen to music, and get back to the studying.

is it the weekend yet?

Is it the weekend yet?

I think I ask that every Monday or Tuesday. But this weekend is shaping up to be really fun. Well, mostly fun. Friday night is Midnight Madness, which will be exciting at first, and then after an hour or two, I'm sure it'll become really really boring. We meet at 9:30 (PM) and will probably not be done until 1-ish (AM). The first major pep band event of the year though. Woohoo! Saturday is the flute dinner... more bonding with the flute section. Always enjoyable. And then after that, we're celebrating my roommate's birthday (which on Sunday, but we can't celebrate properly on a Sunday). And Sunday is the band concert. :cringe: My debut as piccolo player. And it's going to be on a DVD. :bigger cringe: I'm sure I'll be fine... but why does the DVD have to be made for my first concert on picc?

More about that DVD... it's for this composer, Goldman, who composed a bunch of marches. We're playing a few of them. And for some reason, Marquette has been chosen to be the "sample band."

I'm really looking forward to having my nervous fidgeting on a DVD forever (I fidget like crazy when I'm nervous... I also shake profusely. It's a good time. Not).

But yeah, fun weekend. And then there are 3 days of classes after that and then fall break! Yay! I get to go home and see my family (including my dog, who I miss so much) and some friends (actually, probably just Tory. But that's cool. I love my sknank). And I'm going to go get my hair cut. It's getting long and my bangs are driving me nuts. And then I have to go into Hallmark and tell my manager when I can start work for Christmas break (it would be a good idea to find out when that is beforehand...).

So on Everwood, there is this new character, Hannah, who is painfully shy. She has a hard time talking to guys she likes. She reminds me of myself. A guy in one of my classes, who I think is cute, talks to me and I have a horrific time trying to talk to him back. The words just can't form coherent sentences in my head. And then I feel like I say stupid things. I probably don't... but he must think I'm some sort of crazy person. Which I am. But I don't like (all) cute boys to know that. The fact that I can't talk comfortably around this guy probably means I could never date him... not that it's likely to happen. And I'm not upset about that. Everyone should date people they are comfortable around... which is kind of a big "duh."

My webpage has been under construction for about a month. No, it's not taking a long time to do. I just don't have the motivation to get it all done. :sigh: One of these days...

Well hello there. Going to bed very soon but I thought I'd blog first.

Tonight was fun. A few of the flutes got together at Erin's for some ice cream (and sugar coma) and games and stuff. We played Catch Phrase, which is always entertaining. Especially when Megan asks if a male cow is really called a bull and I say that a baker's dozen is 12. Then we all walked to Dominos, got pizza, walked back, ate said pizza and watched Never Been Kissed (where I commenced to drool over Michael Vartan). And we did a lot of talking.

Plus, at the grocery store, I bought a little bitty pumpkin and tomorrow (well, later today) I get to attack it with paint pens. I've been looking for an excuse to use my paint pens (and if they have dried up, I'll have a fit!). I also have to study, but decorating the mini-pumpkin sounds more exciting.

Oh, so on my first research methods test, I ended up with an AB. Not bad. Actually, that's pretty damn good. And it makes me mad that I did so badly on the theories of personality test, because if I study, I AM capable of making good grades. So the moral of the story? Study, dammit. Studying for the weekend will consist of reading act1 of Henry IV for Shakespeare (zzzzz), reading/taking notes from the personality text (not so bad), and maybe looking over my notes for the theo test on Tuesday (I'm not too worried about this class, because I have a really good grasp of the material... like, if the prof asks a question in class, I always know the answer. But it's better to be prepared, right?).

I went to the mall yesterday with Anna. Express is having a sale and I bought a pair of jeans. And a birthday present for my roommate. Then we got chinese food from Panda Express. Mmmm americanized chinese food. But hey, it was pretty good. And from the grocery store, I bought cabbage and chicken dumplings, which are REALLY good. I definately like asian cuisine the best... which isn't surprising.

Okay, before writing about food makes me hungry, I'm going to go crash.

other whackos

While I'm on a roll, I found something else to rant about.

Taken straight from the MU events calender...

< 2nd Annual Animal Rights BBQ

Dates: October 5, 2004, Tuesday Location: Schroeder Field

Please come and enjoy a free hamburger in an effort to protest animal rights extremists (such as PETA) and appreciate the gifts God has given us. "There is room for all God's creatures, right next to the mashed potatoes." >

I find this kind of offensive.

I mean, I agree... PETA is kind of a whacko organization. I'm "only" a semi-vegetarian (I eat seafood and the occasional chicken) and I don't care if you eat a steak, rare, in front of me (though I'll have the last laugh if you die from uncooked meat poisoning). But it's just so condescending. I mean, animals are on the earth just for human use? It's horrible. It assumes that humans are most important on earth. Forget the fact that humans damage the earth the most... i suppose the earth was created just for humans to ruin. Now, I don't believe in any god, but I'd assume that the Christian God would not be as condescending as that.

Like in the Bible, the whole story of Noah's ark. Noah had to take care of all the animals in the flood. Yeah, right. Animals may not have the thinking capacity of humans, but they have better instincts (and better hearing/eyesight/smell/etc) and I think some of them would have been able to fend for themselves.

Alright, that's my second rant. I think I should stop now before *I* offend anyone.

right-to-life wackos

So, first off, apparently today is Peter O'Toole today. Two of my three profs mentioned him and a movie that he was in... and highly recommended the respective movies. I think there may be a Peter O'Toole conspiracy going on.

While I was walking back from campus, I passed one guy who was muttering to himself. And another guy who was holding his... crotch. And no, it wasn't some dirty homeless guy. It was a student. I wanted to ask him if he was afraid his balls were going to fall off if he didn't hold them in place. Or maybe he was protecting them. Just in case.

Best of all... the Right-to-Life crazy people have struck again. In the quad of the campus, the crosses are stuck into the ground (all the tiny holes they are going to leave will make the grounds maintenance people do a happy dance, I'm sure). You know which crosses I'm talking about... or you live in a cave. Which actually wouldn't be such a bad place to be when it comes to the freaking crosses that are supposed to represent tiny graves of aborted fetuses. Each cross represents two abortions. You know the schpiel.

I'm not saying that I advocate abortions. I don't think they're great and I don't go around telling every pregnant woman or woman who could become pregnant one day that they should have at least one abortion in their life, preferably four or five. But if you want to get rid of abortion, making it illegal is not the answer. Illegal abortions happened in dark, dirty alleys and other dark dirty places. And women got infections and died (look what happened to Penny in Dirty Dancing). OR the women, desperate because they absolutely could not have a child (and really, who are you to judge their situation or say 'well, they should have had the baby anyways'?), would do the abortion themselves. And the common tool used in these home abortions? A hanger. That's right, a wire coat hanger.

Instead, wouldn't it be smarter to support organizations like Planned Parenthood, who do provide abortions... but they also teach about the different types of birth control. They also inform teens about sex. It's scary how many teens are sexually active... but don't exactly know how a woman gets pregnant. They also provide extensive information on the different abortion procedures (it's amazing how many right-to-lifers don't exactly know the different methods of abortion. It's not just the crying, trembling fetus being yanked out of the womb and then the doctor smashing its head in). If you want to get rid of the need for abortions, you have to educate people.

Interestingly, the Bush administration has been cutting back funding for organizations like Planned Parenthood and backing plans to teach abstinance only... and get rid of sex ed. It's very unrealistic to think that if you teach a teen how abstinance is the only way to go, they will not have sex until they're ready to become pregnant. Teens have raging hormones... and they are curious. There will be teens who will have sex, no matter what you preach to them in the classroom. And what about the inner-city kids who don't have any type of sex ed to begin with? Is it smart to cut off places like Planned Parenthood, who try to reach out and educate them?

Wow, didn't mean to go on a whole rampage about abortion. I just get carried away. Yes, there are religious issues about how the life begins at conception... but you can't use that as the reason to make abortion illegal for EVERYBODY in the US. Not everybody is a Christian. And not everybody believes that life begins at conception. I certainly don't, and until it can be scientifically proven when life begins, I absolutely am insulted by someone else's beliefs being forced to become my own. I have a mind and I can think for myself. If you don't like abortions, don't have one. It's that simple. Don't shove your morals down someone else's throat.

Aaanyways, so how's that for a Monday rant? At least I bought some cookies n'mint chocolate (from Hersheys) to pacify me so I don't go on a rampage and rip all the crosses out of the ground and burn them ceremoniously. I'm tempted to go put some wire hangers on the big signs out on the quad.

I suppose this is what I get for going to a Jesuit university.

slaves to routine?

First of all, I would like to say that I accurately predicted my grade on my theories of personality test. Which is NOT a good thing. I get my research methods test back tomorrow and I'm sure I did much better on that one (seeing as I actually STUDIED for it. Obsessively).

So today, in theology class (it's actually called "Christian Faith in Cultural Contexts" but fuck it. That's too long. It's just "theo"), I walk in. And someone is sitting in my seat. Actually, no one was even sitting there. There was just a bag and a jacket on the seat. Really, I didn't care, but it threw the whole seating chart off. Yes, we have an actual seating chart. And the professor actually noted that a bunch of us weren't in the right seats. And the girl who was sitting in my seat today actually sits behind me, but someone was sitting in HER seat because someone was sitting in HIS seat. This is what happens when everyone actually comes to class, I guess. It was just an annoyance because I couldn't believe it was really that big of a deal. We all got seats. Everyone was just off one seat. And dammit, it wasn't my fault.

So that makes me wonder... are we all slaves to routine? Everyone seemed to look slightly uncomfortable in the new seats. And the professor looked slightly baffled for a little bit. So the seating chart was slightly off for one day. Was it really such a big deal?

I'm currently putting together the final group project for this current section of philosophy class. Everyone was supposed to email me their Word documents by 10 PM. Unfortunately, two of the people in my group have Macs, not PCs, so it was interesting reformatting their stuff. And then I was reading through another member's contribution, and it was written in first person, which I said specifically that we SHOULD NOT do. We wrote an Honor Code, and no other school wrote any part of their HC in first person. I can't fix it because it's his work, but damn. He's the only one who did it and it annoyed me. Thankfully, after each section, I have to put who wrote it, so thankfully, the prof will know. But still.

Today has just been a negative day. I had forgotten that the first pres. debate was tonight, so ER was pre-empted. And it made me mad, because I missed Lost last night ('cause my roomie was watching a movie), and I was really looking forward to ER. Instead, I napped. Didn't really watch the debate because I can't stand Bush.

I wish this weekend was shaping up to be more interesting than it probably will be. I want to hang out with people. Including... Yes, one of these days, this person will have a name. Maybe. If not, it'll just be a big mystery. He'll just be some mystery guy I like. Unless you already know who it is.

Well, it's back to the extremely-painful-to-organize-Honor-Code. Stupid HC...

bouncing off the walls

And no, the title of this entry has nothing to do with that Sugarcult song. That song is kind of annoying.

Aaaanyways, I really AM bouncing off the walls. I've got all this energy... gotta love the diet pills. I've spent the night studying (well, except when I was watching Gilmore Girls... but of course I'm allowed a break for GG), and this energy makes things fun. And don't harp on me for being on these pills. I like the energy. I'm studying for my research methods test, which is tomorrow. I feel so prepared. Of course, in the process, I've basically ignored my philosophy work (I'm supposed to write the dissention for the reasons to have an honor code. I've also written the reasons WHY we have an honor code. Somehow, I think I'm taking on too much of the group work, but eh, whatever).

In addition to studying and bouncing off the walls, I'm listening to the Garden State soundtrack yet again and eating cookie dough ice cream (the Ben and Jerry's kind... because I really need more sugar). I love the Garden State soundtrack... all of the songs are amazing. And it's got this laid back, yet explosive quality. Now I just need to see the movie. Hopefully, I can find someone who wants to go see it this weekend. I want to see it before it leaves the theaters.

Oh, I didn't get my theories of personality test back today. Grrrrr! She said she couldn't finish grading them all, and that she would have the grades posted on blackboard by this afternoon. Yeah, it's past this afternoon and the grades aren't up. I want to know how I did. At least, I want to confirm my 'D'.

I am NOT getting a D on my research methods test though, I can tell you that.

Okay, back to the studying.

another filler entry

Don't really have anything new to share. Other than the fact that I would rather die than go through this week. Okay, I'm being really dramatic here. There are no real suicidal thoughts going through my head. I do want to get my theories of personality test back tomorrow though. I don't know why... I'm pretty sure I got a D. Maybe I am suicidal, after all.

Well anyways, I stole this from Tory's LJ again... my comments are in italics.

Bold the ones that are you.

01. I miss somebody right now.
02. I don't watch much TV these days. - you're kidding right?
03. I love olives. - well, i don't HATE them...
04. I love sleeping. - yessss. Sleeping is the best.
05. I own lots of books. - yes, I love books.
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
07. I love to play video games.
08. I've tried marijuana.
09. I've watched porn movies. - i was hanging out in a (guy) friend's room, drinking with some friends, and all of a sudden there was porn on the tv and this guy friend wouldn't change the channel. And then later, he tried to get me to sleep with him. Yeah, not friends with him anymore.
10. I have been in a threesome.
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. - i admit it. I totally was, once. Then I grew up.
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
13. I have acne free skin. - well, for the most part.
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton. - um, I don't know much about him.
15. I curse frequently. - indeed
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. - yes, i have. Which is a good thing (mostly).
17. I have a hobby. - uh, i've got a few hobbies... if you call them "hobbies".
18. I've been told I have a nice butt. -
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. - that's a little scary...
20. I'm really, really smart. - definately not. I think I'm a moron most of the time.
21. I've never broken someone's bones.
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal. - naw, i really don't.
23. I hate the rain. - are you kidding? I love rain.
24. I'm paranoid at times. - hey, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. ;-)
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar free. - uh, no.
26. I need money right now. - yeah, when *don't* I need money?
27. I love sushi. - well, what do you expect?
28. I talk really, really fast. - hehe... sometimes I do.
29. I have fresh breath in the morning. - i don't think that's possible...
30. I have semi-long hair. - it's just past my shoulders...
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas. - never been.
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister. - exactly 1 brother and 1 sister.
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs. - when i feel like wearing a skirt or shorts (which is a very rare occasion)
35. I have a twin.
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D. - i'm sure i could LIVE without it
38. I like the way that I look. - no.
39. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months. - naw, i don't think so
40. I know how to do cornrows.
41. I am usually pessimistic. - but only about myself
42. I have mood swings. - indeed i do
43. I think prostitution should be legalized.
44. I think Britney Spears is hot. - no.
45. I have cheated on significant other.
46. I have a hidden talent.
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have. - pfft, sometimes i'm not hyper after having lots of sugar.
48. I think that I'm popular. - no, and i don't really care to be.
49. I am currently single.
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
51. I enjoy talking on the phone. - not highlighting this, because I don't always enjoy the phone.
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. - only on the weekends
53. I love to shop. - shopaholic i am
54. I would rather shop than eat. - well... it depends. But this is a tough one.
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders. - when i was little. I thought it was cool.
57. I'm obsessed with my LJ - don't have one.
58. I don't hate anyone. - but some do come close...
59. I'm a pretty good dancer. - well, it depends on the type of dancing.
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington. - well, it's none of my business.
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother. - there are certain occasions (like when she's yelling at people), but usually, it's all cool.
62. I have a cell phone.
63. I watch MTV on a daily basis - naw, just sometimes. I like VH1 better.
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months. - passed out? No.
66. I love drama. - as a genre of movie/tv show, yes.
67. I have never been in a real relationship before.
68. I've rejected someone before. - a few people... i won't be mean and mention names.
69. I currently have a crush on someone.
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
71. I want to have children in the future. - no! I want to maybe adopt one, that's it.
72. I have changed a diaper before. - honestly, i don't know if i have.
73. I've had the cops called on me before.
74. I bite my nails.
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club. - yeah, not so much
76. I'm not allergic to anything. - i'm allergic to cats, some dogs, and, well... air.
77. I have a lot to learn. - we all do.
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger....
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes. - yeah, this is part of my problem.
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message. - well, until my computer dies.
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved. - yup
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before. - *tried* alcohol? Sure... tried...
84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
85. I own the "South Park" movie. - not a fan of South Park...
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum. - wow, that sounds dirty.
88. I enjoy some country music. - noooooooooooo
89. I love my best friends. - well, duh.
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza. - dominos pizza is better.
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist. - yes, but i'm also lazy. Hm... figure that one out...
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all. - tee hee
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy. - well, I like the parties...
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it. - no, not a fan. I think it's annoying.
98. I have dated a close friend's ex. - well, in HS, a bunch of us all kissed the same guy. No, not at the same time.
99. I'm happy as of this moment. - no, i'm stressed, and it's not a good time. But thanks for asking. :-)

which Alias character are you?

Which Alias character are you?


Teehee, that's right. A wig and high heels.

Oh goodness. Just imagine me in a wig (the high heels I do wear, so it's not much of a stretch).

5 things

Okay, I thought I would get back to the studying now, but I saw this survey in Tory's LJ, and, well... I haven't done a survey in a while. (oh, and don't forget that there's a real entry right below this one!)

5 words that describe you:
- short
- female
- bland
- eclectic
- opinionated

5 web sites you visit daily:
- yahoo mail
- the kag message board ;-)
- cnn.com
- weather.com
- allalias.com

5 CDs you couldn't live without:
this varies depending on my mood... but right now:
- the Garden State soundtrack
- Songs About Jane, Maroon 5
- Morning Glory, Oasis
- Flutterby, Butterfly Boucher
- Life for Rent, Dido

5 favorite books at the moment:
- Kiss My Tiara: How to Rule the World as a Smartmouth Goddess, by Susan Jane Gilman
- the Things They Carried, by Tim O'Brian
- Poisonwood Bible, by Barbera Kingsolver
- Otherwise Engaged, by Suzanne Finnamore
- the House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton

5 games you like to play:
- Catch Phrase
- Trivial Pursuit
- Life
- on the computer, Shapeshift
- mind games ;-) jk

5 random facts about you:
- I love spinach.
- I want to rescue horses from killer buyers at auctions.
- I am addicted to diet coke
- I love literature
- I love art... looking at it and painting.

5 countries you would like to visit:
- France
- Japan again
- England
- Scotland
- New Zealand

5 words or phrases you always use:
- "Fuck."
- "Buddy"
- "yeah okay"
- "Shit"
- hm... i don't know what else...

5 favorite articles of clothing/accessories:
- my strappy Sketchers sandals
- my Wellesley sweatshirt (though people constantly ask "what's well-les-ley?" when I wear it. It's pronounced "wells-ley," folks)
- all my winter scarves from Gap
- my Abercrombie track pants that I bought like 4 years ago
- in winter, my plaid Coach hat

5 favorite movies:
- Dead Poets Society
- Pleasantville
- Love Actually (if you haven't seen it, you must. I own it, if you want to borrow)
- When Harry Met Sally
- 10 Things I Hate About You

5 things you are obsessed with at the moment:
- Alias (and all things Michael Vartan)
- NOT making a fool out of myself while playing piccolo in band
- photoshop
- the Garden State soundtrack
- sleep

5 hobbies of yours:
- photoshop
- writing
- collecting stuffed animals :-)
- ...
- ...

5 favorite foods:
- spinach!
- pizza bites
- strawberries
- wheat pasta
- mini cheddar rice cakes

study break nonsense

I should be studying. But then again, I feel like I should always be studying. Anyways...

I took a study break earlier to watch American Dreams and eat some dinner. American Dreams was so good! This was the first new episode since April, so it was exciting. Dinner consisted of spaghetti-os. I really need to go grocery shopping... and not just shopping at Walgreens. I feel like I'm going to get scurvy from lack of fresh fruit-eating. Plus, I'm gaining weight and it probably has to do with the lack of good nutrition. I think I have a fear of becoming fat. Sounds superficial, I know. But Saturday, I kept getting those weird pains in my chest. I hadn't gotten those all summer, so it was a bit surprising. I lost weight all summer, so now I have to wonder if these pains (they come suddenly and don't last long.. kind of like someone is pinching inside my chest for a second or two) are weight related. There's really no point in going to a doctor again, because the last time I did, they made me go to the hospital to get x-rays, and they didn't even find anything. It was just expensive. :sigh:

Another thing about American Dreams... I'm so used to watching American Dreams, then switching channels and watching Alias. As 8 pm rolled around, I felt like I was missing something. It needs to be January, and Alias needs to be back.

This weekend has been pretty dull. With the exception of playing pep band for a few hours, it's been quiet. Lots of sleeping, which was nice.

So this guy I like. I've pretty much convinced myself that he hasn't shown any real interest, so I decided to just get over it. It's funny how my favorite movie is Dead Poets Society, yet I can't even follow the movie's theme of "carpe diem." Thinking about seizing the day just makes me panic. I don't know how to go about doing so. If he's not showing interest and I won't make the first move, then really, it's a hopeless cause. But at the same time, I can't. Even though it's seemingly hopeless (at least from my perspective it is), there's still a tiny little part of me that thinks "hey, maybe he'll get a clue... even though you're not really leaving clues."

This really doesn't need to be as complicated as I'm making it. But I always do that, make things complicated.

random money

I got an email a few days ago from the Office of the Bursar, saying that I have a refund check waiting to be picked up. My first thought was "refund for what?" The Bursar's is on the complete opposite side of campus for me, so I put off going for a few days. I had class only 3 blocks from there today, and it since it's so nice out, I decided to head over there and get this check. It's over $2,000. I like money and all... but I'm so confused. What is this for?

Two options. 1. It's from summer tuition (I dropped summer classes after just the first week and got all my tuition back). But I already got that money credited onto my payment for this semester. However, maybe they got confused, because my parents took out a loan, to pay completely for this semester and next. 2. It's from my student loan. My dad made me take out a student loan as well. But why would they give me a check?

It's the most money I've seen in a while and it's confusing me. I suppose I could go onto checkmarq and see what's going on...

I keep getting little stabs of pain in my sinuses, like there's a headache coming on. I wish they would stop. It's not helping my mood. Strangely enough... I'm in such a negative-ish mood today, after being in an extremely good mood yesterday. Maybe I'm paying for my good mood. It's like "we'll let you be in a good mood on a Monday, but it's going to be taken out of your good mood allowance for Tuesday, so then you'll be in a crap mood on Tuesday." I have no clue who "we" are.

So today's negative mood consists of me thinking that I'm worthless and stupid and a general waste of space. Happy thoughts. I don't study hard enough. And I'm making no money. Those are the main reasons for me thinking all that. I hate that I don't have a job. I know my grades drop when I do have a job, but I need to be making money. So, I'm looking into getting a job in the library. Hopefully. We'll see how that goes.

weekend happenings and other stuff

This was one of those weekends that you anticipate, but once it's over, all you can say is "oh." I had a lot of fun, but I'm not so sure that I carried much out of it. I guess it wasn't exactly up to my expectations.

Oh, I did carry some supreme embarrassment. Got really drunk last night before the band party (that's right, before), and got sick. Not a lot of people saw, but still. After getting sick though, I felt better, and was able to make it to the party, where there was dancing. I didn't drink any more though. Because that would have been just plain stupid. The "pre-party" was fun though. Some people came over and we ate and talked and drank and half watched Gilmore Girls on dvd (well, not really, because we were talking). I got sick almost as soon as we left the apartment and walked outside. Lovely.

And today was the freshman picnic. There weren't a whole lot of freshmen there, but the rest of us had fun. Volleyball, eating, frisbee (which I sucked at), talking. Good times.

Oh, and somewhere along the way, I acquired the Garden State soundtrack. It is fantastic. Nance gave me a link to a site (which was in french) where there were clips from the movie (the clips were not in french). I watched all of them. It looks so good, and everyone who has seen it really liked it, so now of course I really want to go see it. We might make it a flute section outing. I just need to see it.

And I feel like I just said "it" a lot. Random observation.

There's one song on the soundtrack that really sticks out on that soundtrack for me. "Fair" by Remy Zero. I just adore it. It's kind of sad, but also hopeful.

Okay, so I like this guy. And I'm so stupid about it. I've liked this guy for a little while, and I just recently told a few people about it (well, people who know him. For example, Tory's known for a while, of course, but she doesn't know him). It's like I didn't really want to admit it to myself. That I could like a guy after the whole Dave thing. Not because I still like Dave or have hopes of seeing him ever again, but because it just completely crushed me. I was dumb about that too. You would think that I would have learned my lesson... but apparently not. I know if I don't speak up soon, I'll end up kicking myself, but I don't know. It's hard. Sometimes when I'm around him, I'm so painfully shy.

Well. I suppose one day soon, I'll just have to make myself be bold and say something. I've done it before. Just not in a while. I haven't gone out on a date in a couple of years. That was by choice, but still. I think I'm getting into a comfortable rut, where I don't have myself getting overly anxious by dating a guy or even admitting that i like a guy, which is fine because I'm perfectly okay with being without a boyfriend. However, it's about time to leave this rut, but it's a scary world out there.

I just need to take a deep breath and take that first step. Yeah.

introversion

So I just got back from Theories of Personality class. Besides the fact that there is an endless amount of reading for that class, I like it. But today was kind of interesting, because the prof was talking about extroversion/introversion in respect to Eysenck's theory and the Five Factor Model (and if you haven't taken this class, you probably have no clue what this is, but stay with me). The prof kept saying that introversion isn't a bad thing, that it is not associated with high neuroticism. It's just a different "style".

My point being - I never thought of introversion as a bad thing. Maybe that's because I am introverted, and extremely extroverted people tend to bug me. There's just only so much loudness in a person that I can take. I know people sometimes think I'm aloof or stuck up or whatever, but really, I'm just shy and can't think of anything to say. Maybe sometimes I am being aloof. But that's just around people I know and don't really like (like AMK).

And then my professor mentioned that in the US, especially, extroversion is valued, and introversion is seen as a deviant. How very true. THEN she mentioned that not all countries are the same way. For instance, in Japan, extroversion is not as highly regarded. Which would sort of explain why my mom never forced me to interact more with peers. I suppose part of that had to do with the fact that I talk quite a bit when I'm at home, so maybe she never noticed that I've never exactly had a lot of friends. But I have friends whose parents forced them to interact more with peers when they were younger... maybe "forced" isn't the right word. More like encouraged. And my parents encouraged me to make more friends, but they never pushed me. Maybe if they had, I would have better people skills. But they didn't, and I think my people skills are fine. I just don't exercise them very much. And this is mostly by choice.

Also, one of the Five Factors is "agreeableness". And inside that is the trait "modesty." My prof then gave an example of a friend she had in college, who never dated. She would sit next to the guy she liked at a bar and everyone would be covertly telling her to flirt with him, and she just wouldn't. Hm... now doesn't that sound familiar? The reason my prof gave for her friend never dating is that she was too modest. She never thought that any guy would like her. Again... doesn't that sound familiar?

Maybe that's why I won't make a move with - ... because I'm too modest. Could very well be the case. Interesting thought.

In other news, my stomach is still giving me problems. I think maybe it is that damn Pill, because now my stomach is giving me problems in the morning. It never used to. It's never fun to wake up, be sick, then go to class. Talk about starting the day on a bad note.

Also worth noting - spyware will not leave my computer. I run Adaware every morning now, and then I leave for class, and when I come back, somehow there will be twenty pop-ups. And I'm pretty sure my pop-up blocker stopped even more. I would really like it to stop. I'm sure my poor little computer would too. Whoever uses spyware deserves to die. I'm totally not kidding.

And on that happy note, time for lab.

5 AM ramblings

I just logged into blogger and got my password right on the first try. That never happens. I think that deserves a gold star.

It's past 5 AM, and I simply cannot sleep. I'm sure I could if I got in bed... but it's just so far to my bed. A whole two feet. Yeah. I'm a lazy-ass.

Oh, yes. I have internet at my apartment now. Have had it since Thursday. The router came today with my sister and cousin Mike. So now I can stop feeling guilty for hogging the internet (before the router came, only one of us could be on the internet at any given time. Though maybe I shouldn't feel too guilty, since I was the one who had to deal with those Time Warner fuckers). There's cable too. But no TBS. The guy who installed the internet/cable - actually a nice guy - said that TBS is now available only through digital cable. But that's only in Milwaukee. In Racine, which is less than half an hour south, they get TBS through regular cable. At home, we get TBS with our regular cable too. Milwaukee is weird.

Minor ordeal with the installation time though (surprise surprise). I specifically told them that I had class until about 11 on that particular Thursday, and that I would be available anytime after that. So they put me in for somewhere around 12 and 2 PM. Okay, that works. I bring my cell to class, because that's what I do. I forget to turn the ringer off. Nobody ever calls me that early in the morning, I figure, so I don't take it out during class to turn it off. Big mistake. My foot was leaning against my bag, and all of a sudden, i feel vibrating. All I can think is "shit." The ringer goes off. I frantically reach into my bag and grope around for the cell. I press some button on the side of it and the ringing stops. Good, right? Not so much. It starts again. I open my cell, which essentially means that I've answered. But instead, I turn off the cell. I'm pissed - at myself for not turning off the ringer before class, and at the caller, who I KNOW is the cable company. After class, I rush back to my apartment (I didn't feel like being one of those pretentious students who walk around on campus, talking on their cell like they're some big important person) and I listen to my voicemail. Time Warner, of course. Wondering why I'm not answering the call, and that the cable install person is moving to the next person on the list. I call them back, because they told me to, and the person I talk to is really rude. I suppose I wasn't really that nice either, but that was because they told me 12-2PM when I called to confirm the appointment a few days ago... just to make sure they didn't forget me again or something. The person on the other end of the phone informs me that no, the appointment was for between 8 AM and 8 PM. WTF? I tell her that no one told me that, and that I scheduled the appointment for after 11 specifically so that this would not happen. She calls me "ma'am" (I hate being called that. It feels like I'm being mocked or condescended to) and tells me that some one will be back again. Then she said some other rude stuff that I don't remember. And all I could think was that I hoped Time Warner would email me and ask me to fill out a survey about the service, like they usually do. I had some choice things to say to them. Especially since I'd been waiting since the first day of AUGUST to get internet in the new place.

I sit and read and wait for a call, saying that another technician is on the way. An hour later, I get said call. From a pleasant person. I'm glad. They say someone's on the way. I say "that's fantastic." Half an hour later, I get another call. They're 5-10 minutes away. I say "that's fantastic." Ten minutes go by. Twenty minutes go by. About 40 minutes go by before someone actually comes to my door.

Moral of the story? I hate Time Warner. Hopefully nothing will go wrong with the internet.

But I have internet now, and it's in my room, and it's all good.

This weekend, other than the joy of having internet again, has been dull. I've got some homework to do for this lovely Sunday, and I'm throwing around the idea of going for a run on the treadmill. I'm running a mile now, and walking about a half mile to warm up/cool down. Friday night, my roommate and her boyfriend and another friend went out bowling. I was invited, but declined. I don't know. I was feeling sorta funky. My allergies have gone completely out of control and it's messing with my head. Plus, my stomach's been really irritable lately (apparently it's not normal to get slightly sick from eating anything from mac and cheese to chicken noodle soup).

Next weekend will be more exciting. Band party (called Highlander, for some reason) on Saturday night. Band picnic on Sunday. A pure band nerd weekend. And Friday, my sister might be coming for the night.

I just yawned. My first of the night (morning?). I'll take that as a sign to finally sleep.

no internet...

Ugh. So it's been a really long time since I've actually done a REAL entry. I apologize. But it's not my fault. I'm currently at the library, since my apartment STILL has no internet/cable. Time Warner is a group of fuckers. I'm convinced. So anyways, I don't really like doing a whole lot at the library, because I'm afraid someone is looking over my shoulder or something. Paranoid, I know. But hey, as Mulder said, "just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you."

Paranoia aside, I miss internet on my computer. I miss AIM, as screwed up as it can be. I miss typing away to people. I'm going through withdrawl. I'm sad, and it's sad that I'm sad.

I'm now in my second week of class, and really, it should be an easy week. Research Methods lab was cancelled for this week and so was my theology class. I've done most of my work for tomorrow's set of classes, so I'm in good shape. Obviously, my weekend wasn't all that busy.

Not to say that my weekend was dull. I mean, Tory came up on Friday and stayed through the night. And we.saw.Sarah.McLachlan.

She was indescribably amazing. She has a fantastic voice, her songs are great (she actually sang a lot of stuff from Fumbling Towards Ecstasy, which I didn't think she'd do), and she knows how to give a good concert. The opening act was Butterfly Boucher. That's the woman's name. I think her parents were hippies. She sings one song I've heard on the radio a few times... "Another White Dash". Anyways, she was really good. Probably the best opening act I've heard at a concert. I'm going to buy her cd when I can.

During the encore, Sarah got wind that a guy proposed to his girlfriend during the concert. She dedicated "Ice Cream" to them. But they focused on this couple, and it was obvious that they were really drunk, and then Sarah made fun of them a little. Pretty funny.

The guy sitting behind me was talking with his female friend before the concert started (Tory and i are cool and got there REALLY early), and he mentioned Jem. And I just had to butt into his conversation. We were both surprised that someone else knows who Jem is. Because she really is great, and more people need to listen to her.

Gavin DeGraw is coming to Marquette on Thursday, and I'm going with some friends to see him. I only know a few of his songs, but whatever. The ticket was $10.

Anyways, I think it's about time for me to go back to my apartment. I've been eating almost non-stop lately, and it makes me guilty. So, to compensate, I'm running on the treadmill as much as possible. Yes, running. Not walking. Go me. I want to go run again today, since I don't have much else to do, but the arch on my left foot is really bugging me today. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? That my ARCH hurts. But I've been wearing flip flops too much and they offer no arch support and my feet have pretty high arches, so it's a problem.

Blah blah blah. Goodbye. I will update as soon as I get internet in my apartment.

and then... another survey

Sorry, incredibly bored. Half watching Gone In 60 Seconds. I would go to sleep, but I'm STILL digesting dinner (I ate at like 7 or 7:30).
 
x - You - x
Name: Leah
Age: 21
Hair Color: black-ish
Height: 5'3"

x - Friends - x
Whos your best friend?: Tory, Bev.
How long have you known your best friend?: goodness. I have no clue. Both of them for probably 4 years.
Who's your funniest friend?: all my friends crack me up.
Loudest?: we all have our moments.
Druggie?: Tory and her aleve ;-)
Most Rebellious: hm.. I dunno.
Prettiest: all my friends are prettier than me.
Hottest: erm... I don't know.
Sweetest: everyone's sweet.
Stupidest: aw, that's not nice.
Most Trustworthy: most of my friends are trustworthy.
Dependable: they're all pretty dependable.
Weirdest: we've all got our quirks.
Most Outgoing: probably most of my MU band friends.
Most Annoying: my friends aren't annoying.
Best For Advice: I don't really ask for advice a whole lot... probably the KAG girls.
Most Athletic: hm... I don't know.
Sluttiest: oh, we're all a pack of sluts.
Do any of your friends do drugs?: not that I'm aware of...
Do any of your friends drink and smoke?: some drink, some smoke.
Have you ever had a crush on any of your friends?: yeah.
Do you wish you looked like one of your friends?: naw, that would be too weird.
Did you ever wonder what it would be like to be one of your friends?: sometimes, yeah.
What friend do you hang out with the most?: Tory. But that will probably change soon, since Katie and I are going to be living together.
Who's the most fun to be around?: all of my friends.
Are any of your friends Bi/Gay/Lesbian?: a few.
Do you have sexual fantasys about one or some of your friends?: naw
Do you talk to your friends a lot?: sometimes... sometimes I don't talk to anyone though. I'm weird like that.
Who do you get in arguments the most with?: no one, really.
Who do you sometimes just want to choke homer simpson style?: my brother, but he's not exactly a friend. He's a brother.
Are any of your friend obsessive?: no. I wouldn't be able to handle that.

x - Music - x
What kind of music do you listen to?: lots of different stuff.
Who's your favorite rapper?: Beastie Boys
Who's your favorite singer?: Sarah McLachlan, Jeff Buckley, Jem, Dido, John Mayer, Beth Orton, Michelle Featherstone, Norah Jones.
Who's your favorite band?: Maroon 5, Dave Matthews Band, Dashboard Confessional, No Doubt
Who's your favorite group?: I don't really listen to people who don't play their own instruments..
Do you have pictures on your wall of your favorite band/group/singer etc?: no.
Have you ever seen you favorite band/group/singer in concert?: Dave Matthews Band, John Mayer. Going to Sarah McLachlan in a month!
How many shows have you attended?: 5
Did the show you go to have a huge crazy pit?: no
Did you go in the huge crazy pit?: N/A
Have you ever been to a skank pit?: ew no.
If so, Can you skank?: N/A
Do you listen to Ska Punk music?: sometimes.
Do you listen to REAL Punk music?: sometimes.
Do you listen to pop music?: yes.
How about rap?: not really.
R&B?: sure.
Do you think Good Charlotte are posers?: who cares?
How about Avril Lavigne?: I don't like her music, and I don't like her as a person. Is she a poser? I don't know and I don't particularly care.
Have you ever went to the Warped Tour?: nope.
What music video can you watch over and over?: She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5.
What music video do you hate and wish it would die?: uh, I don't know...
Whats your take on Britney Spears?: I don't like her. She just seems so fake.
Could you live without music?: no.

x - Relationships / Love <3>
How you ever been in love?: nope.
Ever been dumped?: yup.
Have you ever dumped someone?: yup.
Would you rather be dumped, or dump someone?: they both kind of suck. 
Do you currently have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: nope.
If no, how about a Crush?: well... kind of.
Does this person know you have a crush on them?: probably not.
Have you ever loved someone so much, it made you cry?: nope.
How many boyfriend/girlfriends have you had in the past?: 4... though one was more of a summer fling, and another was... well, Chris. It was kind of a non-relationship, when I look back on it.
Have you ever cheated on someone?: nope.
Have you been cheated on?: i don't know, and since it's all in the past now, whatever.
Have you ever made out with someone?: yes.
Are you prude?: I've been called that. Am I really? I don't know, probably a bit.
Who do you like better, the younger ones, or the older?: apparently, the younger ones.
Are you still a virgin?: yes.
Who the best boyfriend/girlfriend you ever dated?: I don't know. It's a toss up between Tim and Todd.
Do you like making the first move?: I always make the first move. It would be nice if I didn't have to for once.
Do you find it weird if the girl asks the guy out?: no. I've done it.
Does apperance matter to you?: well, I like my guys clean and not smelly. Other than that, I'm not too picky.
How about their social status?: naw.
What do you look for in a person?: personality, intelligence, sense of humor. Just some one who is compatible with me.
Do you like them skinny or fat?: I like muscles, but not bulky muscles. Toned, I guess that's the word.
How much do you think about the one you love? what person I love?

- x Random x -
Are you smart?: sometimes. Usually, I'm just smart-mouthed.
Are you stupid?: I have my moments.
Do you think of what its like to do drugs?: no.
Does suicide run through your mind a couple times a day?: not now.
Do you cut yourself?: nope.
What song do you listen to almost everyday?: there are a few.
What song makes you think of someone you love?: um... who do I love? Besides my family, that is.
Are you emo?: not really. I like emo music though.
Are you preppy?: somewhat.
Slutty?: Oh yeah, I'm a real slut.
Punk?: no.
Gangster?: haha no.
Asian?: yes. But I'm not your stereotypical asian.
Puerto Rican?: no.
Do you use condoms or no?: yes, because I am having all the sex. :blink:
Are against or for abortions?: pro-choice.
Do you know who the Ramones are?: yes.
Would you jump off a bridge if your friend did?: maybe. If there was a really good reason.
Do you eat carrots?: I love baby carrots.
Do you wear glasses?: yes, but I usually wear contacts.
Do you have braces?: I used to. 5-8th grades.
Are you considered a nerd at school?: in middle school and HS, I was. Now no one knows who I am. But I probably really am a nerd.
Do you have a good amount of friends?: no, just a few close ones.
Out of all your friends, who could you live without?: none of them.
Who could you NOT live without?: none of them.
Math Or Science?: science! As long as it's not physics.
Final: Are you bored out of your mind?: yes.