hey look, another survey...

Snatched this from Tory's LJ. As usual.

THREE WAYS I AM STILL JUST A KID
1. I love stuffed animals.
2. I like to order off the kid's menu.
3. I like candy. A lot.

THREE WAYS I AM ALREADY OLD
1. I have arthritis
2. I have a horrible memory.
3. Lots of stress. Lots and lots of stress.

THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL "BOY"
1. I love blue...? I'm really not a tomboy at all though.
2. -
3. -

THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL "GIRL"
1. I like to wear pink (not Barbie doll pink though)
2. I know my designer brands.
3. I like to watch chick flicks.

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1. Working out on a regular basis.
2. Internship.
3. Skiing, maybe.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
1. Leah
2. Elle
3. Hey You

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD
1. OshKosh0583 (currently)
2. FinePrint4 (my first aol name)
3. Whsprwhodares (another random name)

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
1. I'm open minded.
2. I have good friends.
3. I'm a pretty good listener.

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF
1. How insecure I can be.
2. How indecisive I am.
3. I get annoyed with people too easily.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
1. Japanese
2. Japanese
3. ... and more Japanese.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
1. Classes
2. Insects
3. Telling a guy how I really feel about him.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
1. Water
2. Clothes
3. Some sugar or caffeine

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. pink Billabong zip up sweatshirt
2. grey tank top from Express
3. black sweatpants from Express

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS
1. Keane
2. Maroon 5
3. Death Cab For Cutie

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT
1. Ballerina - Leona Naess
2. Lack of Color - Death Cab For Cutie
3. Such Great Heights - Iron and Wine

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (Love is a given!)
1. Trust
2. Comfort
3. Understanding

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (You figure them out!)
1. I have my belly button pierced.
2. I am going to grad school to get a ph.d in psych.
3. I play the flute.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
1. Eyes
2. Smile
3. Facial hair (actually... the lack of)

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO
1. understand why people feel the need to take rights away from other people.
2. like Bush.
3. cheat on a test.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES
1. watching movies.
2. Photoshop.
3. Listening to/playing music.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW
1. Go see In Good Company.
2. Eat at Olive Garden.
3. Kiss... someone.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. social worker (helping battered women and runaway teens)
2. working for Planned Parenthood.
3. interior designer.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. France
2. Japan
3. Italy

THREE KID'S NAMES
1. not having any...
2. -
3. -

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Fall in love (I have yet to do so).
2. Own an ex-racehorse.
3. Get a Masters in Social Welfare.

post-Christmas

Okay, I know I haven't blogged in a while. But since I've been home (a week and a half), I've worked 53 hours (including the 5 hours I'm working tonight). Needless to say, I've been busy.

Since last week, Christmas has obviously came and gone. I was kind of sick, so it wasn't anything really spectacular. But it wasn't bad. We opened presents on Christmas Eve, as we usually do. I was feeling so not-well that when my mom came and woke me up (I had been napping), I didn't even feel like opening presents. But I did anyways.

I bet you're all dying to know what I got. So here's a list...

iPod (no, not a mini)
headphones
shoes (which came in the mail two days ago)
a Shins cd
an Aeropostale gift card
a Best Buy gift card (which I used to buy the Garden State dvd and the Buffy season 4 boxed set)
some cute socks
some sweaters
a Peanuts desk calendar

So. Garden State. Is. SO.GOOD. I love it. It's quickly on my favorite movies list. It was kind of cool, watching it for the first time, but knowing the music by heart and seeing how the songs fit the scenes.

As for the Buffy boxed set, I bought it because... well, because i wanted to. I thought about getting Alias season 3, but I have all the episodes on tape, and I'm still smarting over the fact that most of s3 sucked a lot. Plus, season 4 of Buffy (the first year she was in college) is one of my favorites (along with season 2, of course). It was before Riley got annoying and "bad" and stuff. My sister made fun of me, but hey... what else is new?

No plans for New Year's. I have a few days off around New Year's, but I think I'm just going to sit at home with my family. I want to go up to Milwaukee, but parking might be an issue that I just don't feel like dealing with.

Well anyways... work soon. I better dry my hair and get dressed. Work yesterday morning was... interesting, but I'll have to blog about it later. After work tonight I'm hopefully going out with Bev (who I haven't seen in forever) and Pat. It'll be the first time I've gone out with friends since I've been back home.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas and has a safe New Year's.

another 2004 survey

Yup, another one. And don't forget, there's a real entry (and a long one) before this!

best _____ of the year:
1. party: the last Highlander (band party)... mostly because I didn't get sick, but I was really giddy drunk for a while.
2. show: Lost!! Or the OC or American Dreams... or Friends (until it ended)
3. cd: Keane - Hopes and Fears
4. movie: um... I don't know. There are still a lot of movies that came out this year that I haven't seen but are supposed to be amazing (namely Garden State)
5. song: hm... I don't know.
6. experience: I can't pick just one.
7. concert: Sarah McLachlan with Tory!
8. book: Pride and Prejudice (though it didn't come out this year... obviously)
9. month: um... I really don't know. Maybe December? The rest of the year really wasn't so great.
10. day: uh... geez, I have no idea.

worst ____ of the year:
(I'm skipping this section because I started to answer the questions but all I could say was "I don't know")

hopes for 2005:
1. predict something that you think will happen in 2005?: I will have a nervous breakdown. But considering I have those from time to time, that's nothing spectacular.
2. what do you hope changes about your country?: This country stops being so ego-centric and unaccepting of many people.
3. what do you hope for yourself?: my grades will continue to improve, I will find a good job for the summer, and come late next year, I will kick ass on the GREs. Also, that I stop being a chicken.
4. what do you hope for your family?: That my dad finds a job, everyone stays out of trouble, and Brownie stays especially healthy and happy.
5. what do you hope for your best friend?: the world, of course!

during 2004:
1. where were you when it began?: with Bev and roommate at a party somewhere in Naperville.
2. did you stay up?: yup... champagne at midnight, but very soon after, Bev decided she was too drunk to stay any longer
3. what was your new year wish?: didn't have one.
4. how many boy/girlfriends?: none.
5. broke up?: well, i didn't have anyone to break up with, so no.
6. have any crushes?: Yes. One. Well, one and a half, if you include an attraction that didn't last for very long.
7. care to mention names?: no.
8. new friends?: A bunch of them.
9. had to say goodbye?: naw, not really. To some of the seniors who graduated in the spring.
10. missed anyone?: always.
11. win anything?: minor things, I'm sure.
12. best place you went to?: well, the only places I went all year is home and the surrounding area and Milwaukee. Oh, and Cincinnati. Ugh.
13. worst place you went to?: they're all equally blah.
14. happiest moment?: :shrug: I don't remember one really happy moment... a bunch of semi-happy ones.
15. how was your birthday?: it was okay. I turned 21. :-)
16. best present?: hm, not sure. Clothes and shoes for my birthday. Apparently, I'm getting something really cool for Christmas from my dad...

I'll be home for Christmas..

I have that song in my head. Heard it a few times while working at Hallmark.

My first day back at Hallmark wasn't TOO bad. I met a lot of new people. Worked with AMK for four hours, but mostly she was in the back doing important assistant manager stuff. I work with her for 6 and a half lovely hours tomorrow, but for all but two and a half of those, other people will be there as well. But I have to CLOSE. With her. Ugh.

Well, I'm sure I'll get over it.

Oh yes, and I finally know all my grades. Here are the grades that I predicted that I would have in the middle of last week, along with my actual grades...

Shakespeare:
predicted:B
final: AB

Theories of Personality:
predicted: C
final: BC

Phil.:
predicted: AB
final: AB

Christ/culture:
predicted: A
final: A

Research Methods:
predicted: B
final: B

Which leaves me with a GPA of 3.28, and a cumulative of 2.9. The cumulative GPA is slowly rising (it started off after last fall as about a 2.65). AND, UCBerkeley (where I want to go to grad school) only looks at the last two years of undergrad! So now I just have to keep improving.

So you'll notice that my theories of personality grade is higher than I thought it would be. I thought predicting a C was thinking positively. I had a C at midterm. Which means I must have done decently on the final exam... so I checked my final exam grade on blackboard, and I got an 85! By far the highest test grade that I got in that class (the class average was a 78.5). Considering how much I studied for that class and how frustrated I was getting, this is a nice payoff. But I am definately more than happy to be done with that class.

My Shakespeare grade also rose a little, which also means I did pretty well on the final exam, because on my last paper, the prof gave me a B, which gives me a total of two Bs and one AB on the papers.

So really, with the exception of the Research Methods final (which I do NOT want to think about. Ever.), I did pretty well. Yay for me!

Tomorrow, I start work at 3. And I work every day for the rest of the week... until Saturday, which is Christmas (and Hallmark is closed)!

Oh, I also have off New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, and the day after that. I'm not quite sure what the manager thinks I'm planning on doing, but now I'm free to do anything. I want to go up to Milwaukee, but I'm not sure who's going to be there, and where I'm going to park, etc. We'll see.

I also don't work very often after New Year's. Ah well. I'm racking up the hours now.

I have two presents bought so far, quite a few more to go... Ugh. I'm going to have to go Wednesday after work, because I get off at 6.

My mom just ordered me a pair of shoes on the internet. Yay! And she bought me a new watch (my old Roxy watch's battery died and she just told me to buy a new one, since I'd had that one for like 4 years). It's little and pretty and blue.

Well, I guess this is a long enough entry. I'm going to finish Emma (I've been reading furiously yesterday and today... I've only got about 10-12 pages left), then go to sleep.

dream a little dream...

Funny enough, I blogged about not being able to sleep and half an hour later, I think I was out cold. Maybe all I needed to do was some bitching.

My sleep even involved a dream that I remember. And guess who was kind of in it? (if you were a frequent diaryland reader, or even an unfrequent one, you'll probably be able to guess)

Dave. Yes. He from my year at COD. "I watched him walk away and never saw him again" Dave.

And it was totally random, because he wasn't even the focus in the dream. He did not appear in bodily form. Plus, I haven't actually really thought about him in a few months.

The dream: It was my first day back at Hallmark. Random people were loitering around, including this one guy. He's waiting for someone or another to show up, so he sits down, makes himself comfortable. Karyn (the store manager) is there and doesn't seem to mind. I'm having a hard time with the registers (a harder time than I really will have tomorrow) and customers are getting impatient. Rachel is working too (I think it was Rachel... it was the only other worker there that I knew, anyways), and she disappears for a little while. Then she comes back up to the register, saying that she was talking to that guy. And he had gotten married recently or something (he looked about 20-21). And he has this friend named Dave. His last name was mentioned, but I don't remember it... just that it began with a B. Somehow, Rachel knew that this was THE Dave, and I guess she told the guy my situation or something, because he gave her Dave's number to give to me.

I wasn't exactly excited about this in my dream. I was very very baffled. And it was about then that I woke up and thought "what the hell?"

That's what I'm still thinking, actually, but to a much lesser extent, because I know it doesn't mean anything. Just my unconscious' way of being creative. It's just very interesting to analyze what my mood is before I go to sleep and have Dave dreams.

At the same time, I also want to jump up and down and scream that it's not fair, because I'm over him and have moved on. Maybe it was my unconscious' way of warning me that if I don't do something about my current crush, it's going to end up like the whole thing with Dave. Because that would really suck.

To say the very least.

Well, I'm going home soon, so I suppose I should finish packing. I'm sure I'll update from home with lots of fun Hallmark/AMK/customer stories.

can't...sleep...!

Yes, look at the lovely time. I can't sleep and it's really frustrating.

"Really frustrating." I have to develop a bigger vocab than THAT.

I keep thinking about two thousand things all at once. Sometimes my thoughts are so unrelated that it sounds like I'm hearing someone else's thoughts too.

I go home tomorrow. Or, rather, later today. And it's a good thing. I need the home environment right about now. And the fact that I'm saying that is not exactly a good sign. The problem is, as soon as I go home, I'm going to want to come back to Milwaukee. When I went home for Thanksgiving, I lasted for about two hours before I began to yearn for the relative quiet of my apartment.

Things here are... what they are. I guess they're neither good nor bad. Actually, things here are in an extreme state of neutral. I can feel my life stalling, and hopefully, one way or another, going home with jump start it.

Part of my problem might stem from the unfortunately fact that I have become very very good at keeping my mouth shut. Not saying things that I would really like to say, but thinking them in my head. Maybe that's what this insomnia is. I lay in the dark and think of all the things I should have said.

There's a poem by Shel Silverstein that is entitled something like "the What-ifs."

the semester is OVER!!

Finally.

Today's final was... ugh. It was bad. Real bad. That's all I'm going to say about it.

I picked up my band stipend today. Made over $100. Pretty exciting. Now I don't have to be a grinch about presents.

Going home on Sunday. There's a men's basketball game tomorrow against Arizona. Work at Hallmark starts on Monday. With AMK. Oh boy.

Oh yes, I think the stupid toilet in the apartment has backed up a little. Don't have a plunger, nor does Walgreens carry them. And Katie's gone, so she can't drive us to Walmart or someplace to buy one.

Sorry about the lack of flow from sentence to sentence. I'm so bored, it's spilling over into the blog. Who would have thought... I've been waiting for the semester to be over, and now that it is, I'm bored.

musings on Christmas

Just watched the OC. It made me feel better, knowing that while my Christmas isn't gearing up to be that great, at least my family isn't as demented as the Cohens. So yeah, my family isn't as messed up as an imaginary one. Woohoo.

Maybe this Christmas won't be so bad. They're never horrible... just nothing really special. Another day, but with presents. I work on Christmas Eve, so maybe that will put me in the holiday mood... depending on who I work with. And as long as I don't come home to my parents arguing or something.

And I'm sure my brother will be with his girlfriend at some point, and my sister will be with her boyfriend. And I'll play with Brownie and his inevitably big amount of new presents.

At least there's a cute, happy little dog around.

one more final to go...

So I found out this morning after my Christ/culture final that I got a 100 on my presentation in that class. Woohoo! The final was annoying, but not overly difficult.

Tomorrow is the Research Methods final. It's not as cumulative as I thought it was going to be, but it's such a pain in the neck to study for. I apparently did not take many notes for this section... but then again, the last two weeks were strictly independent project presentations. I think I need to call Amanda and make sure I have all the notes...

But after tomorrow, at 3 PM... the semester is OVER. Yay!!!! I'm so sick of these classes. I miss 8 week classes. I really do.

The OC is on tonight... and it's new. It's probably the one show that has a new episode this week. But that'd be because they didn't start the new season until last month. So while I really should be studying for Research Methods, I will probably watch that show. I'm bad. I know. Whatever.

2 more to go...

Two more finals, of course. Christ/Culture and Research Methods. One should be really easy, the other really difficult.

Today's Shakespeare exam was just kind of a pain in the neck. 10 short answers, 10 quote IDs. I think I may have messed up some of the quote IDs, but I got all the short answers right, I'm pretty sure. He also gave me a B on the last paper, which I kind of knew he would. He said that my topic was too broad, and that's what I thought he would say. Oh well. I'm pretty sure my final grade will be a B. Not too bad.

Ooo, lets play a fun game. I'm going to predict my final grades in all my classes and then we can see if I'm right.

Shakespeare: B
Theories of Personality: C
Phil.: AB
Christ/culture: A
Research Methods: B

I took a nap this afternoon... I wasn't going to, and then I decided that I would sleep for 2 hours, tops. Instead, I slept for 3 hours. Arg. But I'm tired again, so I guess it works out. Katie tried to get me to go bowling, but since I have a final at 8 AM again tomorrow (last 8 AM final!), I said no. I suppose I could have gone, 'cause I only studied for a little while afer she left, but now I'm being completely hit with tiredness, so I think I might just shower and go to sleep.

Oh, I just remembered... MeMe requests. I still haven't posted them. I think I've taken the pictures... I'm just too lazy to hook my camera up to my computer and upload them.

end of the year survey

I always enjoy surveys. Especially when they distract me from studying. :-)


1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
-take summer classes... though I dropped them after a week anyways.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
-nope, didn't make resolutions, and i will not make any for this next year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
-nope... but yay for Pam being pregnant!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
-no... and lets keep it that way, 'kay?

5. What countries did you visit?
-uh... the US...

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
-good luck... at least, better luck.

7. What date(s) from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
-there's no one date. A lot of this year has actually blurred together.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
-um... I didn't die?

9. What was your biggest failure?
-not getting a job over the summer, and not telling someone how I feel

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
-just the usual amounts of sickness. And my wisdom teeth hurt like a mother until I got them pulled over the summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
-a book (Pride and Prejudice) and some cds.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
-umm... my dog?

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
-the people who voted for the gay marriage amendment in the Constitution.

14. Where did most of your money go?
-food, presents

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
-moving in with Katie over the summer. And seeing friends once the school year started back up.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
-She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5. And that song by Usher.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? -pretty much the same, maybe a little sadder.
ii. thinner or fatter? -fatter... by like a whole 5 lbs, if that.
iii. richer or poorer? -poorer. Much poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
-saying exactly what I mean to say. And uh, making money.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
-eating, maybe. But I like food.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
-working at Hallmark, hanging out with my family (well, my mom and sis and the dog, anyways), hopefully seeing friends.

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
-In love? No.

23. How many one-night stands?
-365. Yup.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
-Alias (even though season 3 mostly sucked), LOST, Friends, American Dreams, the OC, Gilmore Girls, That 70s Show

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
-hate? No.

26. What was the best book you read?
-Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen. Or Otherwise Engaged, but I don't remember if I read that this year or last.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
-Keane!! Jem. Frou Frou. Postal Service. Death Cab for Cutie. And some others... it was a very good music year for me.

28. What did you want and get?
-um... my wisdom teeth to come out, which they thankfully did.

29. What did you want and not get?
-the Honda to not be taken away from me. Really good grades. A new piccolo. A new cd player (mine has a new annoying habit of skipping randomly... even though it's not supposed to! Grrrr). Riding lessons. To not have to explicitly say how i feel about someone and for him to just... know (which is totally irrational, but when have I claimed to be a rational person?).

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
-erm... I saw quite a few. I don't remember a lot of them. But probably the Notebook.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
-I went to Cheesecake Factory with my parents, then to see Shrek 2 with Tory. I turned 21.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
-less stress... especially concerning money.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
-pretty much the same as the past few years. Lots of comfort.

34. What kept you sane?
-music, friends, my dog, photoshop (though it also made me a bit more crazy).

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
-Michael Vartan. And Topher Grace.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
-Gay marriage, abortion, the environment.

37. Who did you miss?
-some friends! And my dog...

38. Who was the best new person you met?
-I met a lot of new people this year... a lot of the new people in band.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
-obsessing over things that you have no control over is really not worth it.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
-"The hardest part is yet to come." Actually, I don't know.

one down, 3 to go!

I am DONE with theories of personality! Woohoo!

That is, unless I fail.

But really, I don't want to think about that. The final wasn't so bad... about 5 or 10 of them, I really wasn't so sure about... but there were 80 mult. choice questions, so 5-10 really isn't too bad. The essays weren't so bad either, except once again, I barely wrote two pages for each. I just ran out of things to say, which probably isn't a good sign.

Oh well. It's over, and there's nothing I can do about it now.

Next up... Shakespeare final. Short answers and quote identification. Short answers shouldn't be that hard... My last paper covered the last five plays we read, so that was a nice review. But quote identifications worry me, so I will be going over the major parts of the plays we read (all 11 of them) today. The final is at 8 AM tomorrow.

Let me just say, waking up at 7 was NOT cool. And I'm not so keene on doing it for the next two days.

I am, however, now going to go for a run (or more likely, a walk, since I haven't worked out in weeks) on the treadmill, because I don't want to take a nap. If I take a nap, I'll end up sleeping until like 5 PM, and then I won't have much time to study and I won't be able to get to sleep later.

Oh, I went to Walgreens yesterday to buy my pencils and the mint m&ms... but they were out of mint m&ms!! I was irrationally upset about that for about 5 minutes.

another entry

Yeah man. I'm a blogging machine.

Actually, I'm really spastic with my blogging. Sometimes I'll go weeks without blogging... then it's like I start feeling guilty and overcompensate and blog non-stop.

Anyway. Enough about my blogging habit.

Last night, I started freaking out, thinking I'd read my classes' syllabuses (or syllabi?) wrong or the profs put down the wrong exam date (hey! It happened to one of my friends... the syllabus said "wednesday" but the exam schedule said "monday" and she had to take it monday. So not cool). So I wrote, semi-nicely, my schedule. And now, blog-reader, I am going to share it with you...

Monday: Nothing... hahahahahaha.
Tuesday: Theories of Personality 8-10 AM
Wednesday: Shakespeare 8-10 AM
Thursday: Christ/Culture 8-10 AM
Friday: Research Methods 1-3 PM

Three 8 AM exams. Not.cool. I'm kind of glad the Theories of Personality one is my first one, now that I think about it. Because I'm panicking most about that one and Research Methods (my two psych classes. Huh. Go figure). I've got a whole studying schedule figured out. Look at me, all organized.

I'm off to Walgreens now. I'm still craving those damn M&Ms, and I need to buy new pencils, because I only have one working pencil in my bag right now and I KNOW it's going to break in the middle of the exam.

theories of personality = Zzzzzzzz

So I figured out what was going on with my template. I fixed it and to celebrate, changed the template. This one is simple, but I like it. The dots really weren't working for me anymore.

I've been more or less studying for my theories of personality final that is on Tuesday (my first final has to be the hardest one, of course) all day. Then again, I woke up at like 11, felt like crap, realized my stomach was cramping, and went back to sleep until like 2 PM.

Yes, I'm a bum. I know this.

The only other thing I really did today is make a wallpaper of beautiful Jude Law. I want to see Closer very badly. I finally broke down and got a photobucket account. So here is the wp: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v621/existentialiste/jude-law.jpg

Oh, I finally got a call from Karyn at Hallmark about my work schedule over Christmas break. I start next Monday, at noon. That week alone, I work 24 hours. Not bad, considering. Since I've realized that I need to use the money I made working on election night and the band stipend on Christmas presents, this Hallmark money will go towards textbooks for next semester.

The downfall about working next Monday is that I have to work with AMK (the annoying Assistant Manager Kristyn... who tries to be all bossy, but she's two years younger than me and naive as a six year old and has a high pitched, annoying voice. I'm sure I'll say more about her in upcoming entries). I haven't worked in a year, so we'll see how much I remember... and I know she's going to be all bossy and condescending.

I suppose I'll study for a while longer... until X-Files comes on at 12:30, anyways.

the semester is almost over

First off, there's something wonky going on with my template. I know, and I'm trying to get it fixed. And then I'm changing my template. Because I can.

I had my last classes of the semester yesterday. It's weird, knowing that all that is left are finals. Except for my phil. class. We handed in the final paper (with minor complications that resulted in a dull headache for me), and there's no final. Which is very very nice.

I have finals Tuesday-Friday. One a day. I think all of them are at 8 AM. Which sucks a lot. Because, really, only truly weird people are fully functional at that time.

So tonight was the big MU-UW Madison game (basketball of course... what else?). I was worried, but the MU men did pretty well for themselves. We won. There were a LOT of people there. The Bradley Center was sold out. And there were a lot of band people... much much more than there usually is. Some of them hadn't shown up to a game yet this season, I think. And they probably won't go to many more games. I, on the other hand, have no life, so I will probably go to quite a few of them.

After the game, I sort of fell into a funk, and that's where I am currently. I got invited to go hang out, but instead, I went home and listened to some music in attempt to unwind after being around massive crowds of people (big crowds of people really intimate me... they never used to bug me, because I could just blend in, but now they make me a bit anxious). I decided to read some Buffy episode transcripts, because I'm a nerd (and I like it that way). Read some of season 4, and a big of season 5, because Riley was in those seasons and I really liked Riley. I mean, he was no Angel, but hey, who is? Plus, Riley was [mostly] so good to Buffy. And he was witty. And sweet. And uh, Marc Blucas (who played him) is a cutie. Plus, I'm a big fan of relationships that end badly... no no. Not badly. I'm not MORBID. Their relationship ended with him saying he was going to leave unless she gave him a reason to stay, and then she ran up to the helicopter as it was leaving and was screaming his name because she thought of a reason for him to stay (because she loved him, of course), but helicopters are loud and he didn't see her and he left. Stuff like that is what I love, even though it puts me in these pensive moods.

Anyways, so I read a bit of dialogue from Riley. He was talking to Xander (one of Buffy and his friends)...

"I'm well aware of how lucky I am. Like, lottery lucky. When I'm with her it's like... it's like I'm split in two. Half of me is just... on fire, going crazy if I'm not touching her. The other half... is so still and peaceful... just perfectly content. Just knows: this is the one. (pause) But she doesn't love me."

It's just so sad, because he KNOWS. Or thinks he knows. Or something. But it's so sweet.

And dammit, I want a guy to think of me like that! Is that so difficult?

Yeah yeah, I know, it's just dialogue from a TV show, yadda yadda, I should get a life, etc. But I can't help it. This is the longest I've gone without a boyfriend... about a year and a half (yeah, boohoo, there are people my age who have never had a relationship. I know all this. Just let me whine!). And in the meantime, I got my heart completely clobbered once and I'm sure I'm primed to have something similar happen soon because I'm too timid to act on my feelings.

I just want a guy who will hug me and rub my back and tell me everything is alright even if it's not and I know he's lying just to make me feel better. Someone who I can cry in front of. Someone who will hug me at the end of the day even if I've been moody and difficult. Is that really so much to ask?

Wow, listen to me bitch about my lack of boyfriendness. But every once in a while, a girl's gotta be able to whine.

late-night survey

I was going to go to sleep. But I saw this survey on Tory's LJ and I just had to do it.

1. First Name: Leah
2. Were you named after anyone? nope
3. Do you wish on stars? not usually, but if I'm feeling whimsical I will.
4. When did you last cry? probably last week
5. Do you like your handwriting? it's been getting really messy lately
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? turkey breast. I'm not fond of lunch meat though
7. What is your birth date? May 22, 1983
8. What is your most embarrassing CD? I don't have embarrassing cds. Though I do have a random Limp Bizkit one that I have never listened to (a guy burned it for me)
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? perhaps... but since it will never happen, why even ask?
10. Are you a daredevil? very rarely.
11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? maybe
12. Do looks matter? A little, but personality is much more important.
13. How do you release anger? Usually, I repress it until it spills over. Then I cry or bitch to a friend.
14. Where is your second home? well, if my first home is my parents', then I guess the apartment in Milwaukee.
15. Do you trust others easily? nope.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? cabbage patch kids
17. What class in school do you think is totally useless? well, in high school, gym, definately.
18. Do you have a journal? yes....
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? never!
20. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? noooo.
21. Favorite movie? Dead Poets Society, Pleasantville, Love Actually, Almost Famous
26. What's your favorite ice cream? strawberry or cookies n cream
27. Shoe size? 6 1/2
28. What are your favorite colors? blue and silver
29. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? my stomach. And my social awkwardness.
30. Who/what do you miss most? my friends from Neuqua and New Canaan. And Brownie. And horseback riding.
32. What color pants are you wearing? black
33. What are you listening to right now? my roommate and a friend giggling and talking. And the buzzing in my ears.
34. Last thing you ate? some rice krispies
35. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? cornflower blue
36. What is your dream car? BMW
37. Last person you talked to on phone? umm... either Amanda or Candice last night.
38. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? height and hair. Oh, and skin.
40. How are you today? tired, I bummed all day. And fat! Because I ate a lot.
41. Favorite drink? water, diet coke
42. Favorite sport? equestrian, tennis, ice hockey (to watch... GRRRRR to the NHL lockout), figure skating.
43. Hair color? blackish
44. Eye color? brown
45. Do you wear contacts? yup
46. Favorite month? December, May, July
47. Favorite food? strawberries, and then it varies. I get random cravings. Right now, the random craving is cheese pizza.
48. Last movie you watched? Whole Nine Yards tonight on TBS. Matthew Perry is so funny.
49. Favorite day of the year? I don't know. Usually the day after finals.
50. Scary movies or happy endings? happy endings. Though I enjoy sad endings too.
51. Summer or winter? autumn
52. Hugs or kisses? depends on the person...
53. Relationships or one night stands? relationships
54. What is your favorite dessert? anything with oreos, thanks to Tory! :-)
57. Living arrangements? apartment in Milwaukee with a roommate, most of the time. Otherwise at home with my family and dog.
58. Are you married or do you want to get married? not currently married, and it's not in the plans for the immediate future. Maybe someday. Maybe not.
59. Do you have any kids or do you want to have kids? no kids, nor do I want any. Maybe I will adopt one though.
60. What books are you reading? Emma, by Jane Austen. And some xenotransplantation book. And King Lear for Shakespeare
61. What's on your mouse pad? my mouse...
62. Favorite Games? Catch Phrase!! And Trivial Pursuit and Life.
63. What did you watch on TV last night? nothing... i was out.
64. Favorite smells? the air after it rains (but not in a city), brownies baking.
65. What is the first thing you think when you wake up? "stupid alarm clock..."

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
01. finals
02. all types of insects
03. people

THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND
01. people... especially guys.
02. why i do badly on a test when I study for it every night for a week.
03. html

THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW
01. sweatpants from Express
02. John Mayer concert shirt
03. big grey sweatshirt

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
01. my printer
02. my cell
03. a hairtie

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
01. fall in love
02. own some horses
03. read The Mandarins.

THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU
01. I have my belly button pierced
02. I don't eat meat for non-animal rights reasons.
03. I'm a natural blonde (... just kidding!)

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
01. "really"
02. "f-ing a"
03. "what?"

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO
01. France
02. Italy
03. Ireland to horseback ride.

THREE NAMES THAT YOU GO BY
01. Leah
02. Elle
03. sknank

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE OR HAD
01. oshkosh0583... current name
02. fineprint4... i think the first screen name i ever had
03. sunshine4evr... another very old one.

yum yum bumble bee...

Bumble bee tuna I love bumble bee bumble bee tuna.

listening to: Switchfoot

Sorry, I have that song in my head and I have absolutely no idea why.

My Roxy watch died yesterday. It's been 8:54 AM on the 31st for over 24 hours now. Huh. Imagine that.

Of course, this means now I have to send it in to get a new battery. Damn Roxy watches and needing special batteries. And I'll have to wait two and a half weeks before I can go home and do it. Arg. Maybe for Christmas, I'll just ask for a new watch. I've had this one for quite a few years, and I got it secondhand from my sister.

Then again, I want these boots: http://shop.skechers.com/shop/productimages/largeImages/3404_B.jpg
Or, these shoes:
http://shop.skechers.com/shop/productimages/largeImages/35601_BLK.jpg
Or these:
http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/application/prodDisplay/?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=MG-177688&cgnbr=OSSHUWORZZZ&rfnbr=733&page=1&cgname=OSSHUWORZZZ

Though really, I wouldn't really wear the last pair much. They're just cute.

Oh yeah, so I had my test this morning. It wasn't one of those tests where you look at it and the questions read like some alien language (erm, like my last research methods test), so that was a bonus. Some of it I didn't know, but most of the multiple choice wasn't bad. I messed up one part of the essay... plus, my answer was two pages of the blue book, so it was really short and I'm sure I'll get marked off for it. But hey. I didn't die.

There's always a bright side to everything. Even if it is only "i didn't die."

So now I have a paper to do for tomorrow... a short 2 page synopsis on a chapter in the stem cell research book. And it's for the class that is taught by the professor who likes my writing. So. I have that in my favor.

I just looked outside and it's snowing again!! Yay!!!!! I hope it sticks. I only say this because I don't have a car and can't drive anywhere. I do hope that my roommate can make it safely home tonight and get back tomorrow in time for the band party. But anyways... yay snow! I think it'll stick because it was freaking COLD out today.

Oh yes, there is a band party tomorrow night (they're called Highlanders. I have no clue why, but okay). After this evil week of studying humanist personality theorists, I really could use some fun in the form of dancing and alcohol. And maybe some selective flirting...

Yes, selective. Don't want to give people wrong ideas. Apparently, I do that sometimes.

Well, the OC is on now. Oh! And ER is on later. And in between, I'll write that synopsis.

buddhist?

Religion
created with QuizFarm.com

Very interesting. I apparently match with Buddhism 65%. Jewish with 55%, Cult with 50% (uh... right), anarchist with 45%, Christian 35%, and Catholic 20%.

Pretty funny, considering the only religion I ever had as a kid was Christian. And I'm at a Catholic, Jesuit university now.

I would write more, but I've got a test in theories of personality tomorrow morning and I've got about 200 pages worth of material to know.

[edited this post because the table was messing up the html on my layout]

bits and pieces

currently listening to: Dashboard Confessional

Thanksgiving was... okay. Nothing overly spectacular, but it never is. At least no one argued.

The horribly time consuming psych lab is done. Many pages of glory. I think Amanda and I did a great job. And now... no more Tuesday lab!

I have two Death Cab For Cutie cds (the last 2 ones they've had out). I listened to Photo Album for the first time last night, because I was in the mood for new music. About halfway into the first song, I had to sneaking suspicion I had heard it before. I listened to a few more tracks, then I realized. It's not new to me at all. One of my roommates freshman year, Cara, listened to Death Cab, and she always played that cd. Cara had really really good taste in music.

Over break, I began reading Emma. I don't like it as much as I liked Pride and Prejudice, but I've only read like 120 pages. It's still entertaining, anyhow.

There are flurries today. Yay for snow!

late night entry

Well, not TOO late, considering how late I've been up every night recently. But I actually went out and had fun tonight.

Recap of the night...

First, there was a women's basketball game against UWMilwaukee during the day. We won. :-) The women's team is the greatest. And then dinner at Webbs with some friends... I had a crispy chicken cesaer salad (because I know Tory would want to know). Then a men's basketball game against Kent State. Again, we won. Then to my apartment for a few minutes to pick up my bottle of rum, then to Michelle's to watch some Alias. There was also pizza and rum and coke. Four of us ate two pizzas and finished off 2 liters of coke. I still have more than half the bottle of rum (I think). I didn't have too much... about a shot's worth. Got barely buzzed.

But it was fun. I hung out with some people I don't normally hang out with, and it was just a good time. Alias is more fun when you watch with friends. Plus, it was all girls, so we got to drool over Michael Vartan and Bradley Cooper without guys rolling their eyes.

Okay, on to the non-recaplet part of this entry.

Has there ever been a person who just brightens your day every time you see them? That just being near that person makes you happy and content?

... Without that person knowing that he/she makes you feel that way?

And you having no idea how to tell that person that you feel that way?

And so on.

If so, then welcome to my life. ;-)

I'm sure most of us know who I'm talking about. I really just noticed recently how long I've had this little crush on him. It's been about 8 or 9 months. Yup. I tend to like the same person for quite a while... I'm devoted/pathetic like that. But if he starts going out with someone else, I'll be kicking myself. And that's entirely possible, because a lot of other girls think he's ideal, too. It'd break my heart and it would be my fault. Again. It'd be like Dave- part 2. And as much fun as THAT was...

So how do I ask him out or tell him how I feel? Jumping him the next time I see him is definately not an option (I can barely even talk to him...). I honestly just don't know what to do. Part of me says "carpe diem" but another part of me absolutely does not want to get hurt. And I'm of the mentality that if he did like me, he would say something. But maybe he wouldn't, because he's not exactly Mr Big Ego (which I really like about him).

I used to be pretty good with this telling a guy how I feel thing. But after the Dave fiasco, I've shut down in the relationship department. This is the first guy I've really liked after Dave. And if I don't tell him how I feel, I know I won't be able to forgive myself for a long time. But I just don't know how.

It's just been a long time since one guy can just... be there, and brighten my mood/day.

So yes, I'm asking for help. It would be so much easier if he could just read my mind, but that would be kind of freaky.

world's longest survey

Sorry, I'm bored. Skip if you want. If I'm not too tired after this survey, I'll do a real entry.

(1) Your gender: female
(2) Straight/gay/bi?: straight
(3) Single?: yes
(4) Want to be?: i suppose i won't die if i'm single for another day or two.
(5) Your birth day: may 22, 1983
(6) Age you act: it depends.
(7) Age you wish you were: being 21 is good. Being 4 was okay too.
(8) Your height: 5'3"
(9) The color of your eyes: brown
(10) Happy with it?: sure
(11) The color of your hair: black-ish
(12) Happy with it?: sure
(13) Left/right/ambidextrous?: right
(14) Your living arrangement?: live in an apartment with a roommate
(27) Your family: uh... YOUR family. Anyways. I've got a mom, dad, little brother, big sis, and cute dog.
(29) What's your job: student
(30) Piercings?: one in each ear, belly button.
(31) Tattoos?: nope.
(32) Obsessions?: i have a few of them.
(35) Do you speak another language? french and japanese... i'm not fluent in either though.
(36) Have a favorite quote?: "Stand for something or you'll fall for anything."
(37) Do you have a webpage?: yes... but it's currently offline while I renovate it (it's been down for over 2 months now... too busy to reupload it and stuff)

DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
(38) Do you live in the moment?: i try to... but i'm too timid.
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: usually, yes.
(40) Do you have any secrets?: i suppose i do.
(41) Do you hate yourself?: sometimes.
(42) Do you like your handwriting?: sometimes.
(43) Do you have any bad habits?: yup. (don't you love how i'm elaborating on the answers?)
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people?: i don't really get compliments from people... at least, i don't notice.
(45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: a movie would never be made about my life.
(46) What's your biggest fear?: rejection. Maybe not the biggest fear, but it's the only one I can think of right now.
(47) Can you sing: yes... but not well.
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: uh, no.
(49) Are you a loner?: sometimes, yes.
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: maybe.
(52) Are you a daredevil?: hahaha... no.
(53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: yes. But we won't go there right now.
(54) Are you passive or aggressive?: a balance of both.
(55) Have you got a ?: :blink:
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness?: i don't know!
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself?: i'd be more comfortable in social situations.
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity, which one do you choose?: creativity.
(59) How do you vent?: i write in my journal (or this blog) or i talk to a friend.
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong?: sometimes. I like to store up my emotions until they spill over and i have an emotional meltdown.
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: i don't regret anything i've done... i regret a few things i haven't done. And if I don't watch out, i'll regret one more thing i haven't done.
(62) Do you think life has been good so far?: well, it hasn't been horrible.
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: be who you are, not what others tell you to be.
(64) What do you like the most about your body?: eh
(65) And least?: my stomach.
(66) Do you think you are good looking?: no... i have a modesty issue.
(67) Are you confident?: sometimes... but not usually.
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like?: eh, i don't know. Maybe Jane Lane from Daria.
(69) Do people know how you feel?: sometimes... i'm good at hiding things.
(70) Are you perceived wrongly?: sometimes, yes.

DO YOU...
(71) Smoke?: no!
(72) Do drugs?: no.
(73) Read the newspaper?: rarely.
(74) Pray?: no.
(75) Go to church?: no.
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you?: sometimes.
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals?: yes. Bucko the horse and Snuffles the bear.
(78) Take walks in the rain?: sometimes.
(79) Talk to people even though you hate them?: naw. If I do talk to them, i won't be especially nice.
(80) Drive?: right now, no. :-(
(81) Like to drive fast?: teehee, sometimes.

HAVE YOU EVER...
(82) Liked your voice?: sometimes.
(83) Hurt yourself?: yes.
(84) Been out of the country?: yup... Japan.
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick?: i'm usually the one getting sick from food.
(86) Burped?: yup.
(87) Been unfaithful?: no.
(88) Been in love?: no.
(89) Done drugs?: no.
(90) Gone skinny dipping?: hahaha no. I don't think I could ever do that.
(92) Had a surgery?: erm... to get my wisdom teeth out.
(93) Ran away from home?: no.
(94) Played strip poker: nope. Never really ever played real poker either.
(95) Gotten beaten up?: naw.
(97) Been picked on?: uh, just a little...
(98) Been on stage?: oh yes.
(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath?: uh... no.
(100) Slept outdoors?: yup.
(101) Thought about suicide?: yeah... did more than think about it a few times, too.
(102) Pulled an all-nighter?: oh yes.
(103) If yes, what is your record?: i can't go more than one night.
(105) Talked on the phone all night?: not ALL night... but into the wee hours.
(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: um... that's what Todd and I always did...
(107) Slept all day?: when sick, yes.
(108) Killed someone?: shhhh... don't tell anyone...
(109) Made out with a stranger?: a *stranger* no. But someone I didn't know very well, yes.
(110) Had sex with a stranger?: that's dirty, dude.
(111) Thought you're going crazy?: i AM going crazy.
(112) Kissed the same sex?: nope.
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex?: nope.
(114) Been betrayed?: yes.
(115) Had a dream that came true?: not really, no. Sadly.
(116) Broken the law?: speeding, jaywalking. Nothing major.
(117) Met a famous person?: yes. Some bands/musical artists.
(118) Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: noooo
(146) Stolen anything?: nope.
(147) Been on radio/TV.?: not that i'm aware of.
(148) Been in a mosh-pit?: no... i'd get squished.
(149) Had a nervous breakdown?: on a regular basis.
(150) Considered religious vocation?: yes, i am going to be a nun (but not really)
(151) Been criticized about your sexual performance?: no... but i've been criticized for my lack of it! haha.
(152) Bungee jumped?: nooo. Heights = bad.
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back?: not really. Sometimes I dream about the same person multiple times (usually it's no one i actually know in real life).

CLOTHES and other fashion
(154) Shoe brand?: sketchers!
(155) Brand of clothing?: Express, Aeropostale, Roxy.
(156) Cologne/perfume?: Clinique Happy.
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work?: jeans and a shirt/tank top/sweater/sweatshirt.
(159) Wear hats?: in the winter, sometimes. And I wear a hat for pep band (and it is oh so sexy).
(161) Wear make-up?: sometimes.
(162) Favorite place to shop?: Express, Aeropostale... and then Target and Barnes and Noble.
(163) Favorite article of clothing?: my gigantic 2004 sweatshirt.
(164) Are you trendy?: i guess so.
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school?: no.


LOVE, and all that
(182) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: naw.
(183) Do you remember your first love?: what first love?
(184) Still love him/her?: nope.
(185) Do you consider love a mistake?: love should never be a mistake.
(186) What do you find romantic?: sweetness... other than that, it varies.
(187) Turn-on?: my answer's the same as the above one.
(188) Turn-off?: jerks, creeps, big egos, dirtiness.
(189) Do you base your judgment on looks alone: uh, no. Like i'm in a position to judge.
(200) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?: flattered, and just a bit awkward.
(201) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going "blind"?: i'd rather be friends first. Otherwise the awkwardness factor is extremely high.
(202) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?: psh, who says it isn't?
(203) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: uh, in high school, sometimes yes.
(204) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: no... but maybe i'm wrong (am i?). I think I'm seriously too modest for my own good.
(205) What is best about the opposite sex?: hm... it depends.
(206) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: big egos.
(207) What's the last present someone gave you?: various things by my mom from her Japan trip :-)
(208) Are you in love?: no.
(209) Do you consider your significant other hot?: what significant other?
(210) What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot guy/girl standing on the sidewalk?: jump him. Duh. Isn't that what everyone else would do?

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
(211) That haunted you?: okay, that's freaky.
(212) You wanted to kill?: no one...
(213) That you laughed at?: various people in pep band tonight.
(214) That laughed at you?: various people in pep band.
(215) That turned you on?: oh wow... i don't know...?
(216) You went shopping with?: probably Katie... and it was grocery shopping.
(217) That broke your heart?: Dave... not like it was his fault.
(218) To disappoint you?: well...
(219) To ask you out?: wow, um... Todd. And that was, what, almost 3 years ago?
(220) To make you cry?: amanda, because she pushed me and knocked me into molly, and i laughed so hard i cried.
(221) To brighten up your day?: the people in pep band.
(222) That you thought about?: teehee.
(223) You saw a movie with?: at the theater? Um... I don't remember!
(224) You talked to on the phone?: my dad
(225) You talked to through IM?: Tory
(226) You saw?: the pep band.
(227) You lost?: what about Lost?
(229) You thought was completely insane?: Erin. :-) And she is.
(230) You wanted to be?: uh... no one...
(231) You told off?: haven't done that in quite a while.
(232) You trusted?: i trust quite a few people.
(233) You turned down?: um... Michael, I think.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
(234) Smiled?: a few minutes ago.
(235) Laughed?: at the basketball game tonight.
(236) Cried?: Tuesday, maybe.
(237) Bought something?: tonight, i bought dinner.
(238) Danced?: at the basketball game tonight!
(239) Were sarcastic?: me? Sarcastic? Never.
(240) hugged someone?: i don't know.
(241) Talked to an ex?: i don't know... whenever the last time Chris randomly IMed me was. ;-)
(242) Watched your fave movie?: it's been a while. Maybe I'll do that now.
(243) Had a nightmare?: a few nights ago... and then i realized that i was still awake.
(245) Talked on the phone?: yesterday.
(246) Listened to the radio?: last weekend, in Cathy and then Erin's cars.
(247) Watched TV?: last night.
(248) Went out?: i went to pep band tonight... that counts, right?
(249) Helped someone?: i helped unload an instrument.
(250) Were mean?: i'm always mean. But in a kind way.
(251) Sang?: at pep band tonight!
(252) Saw a movie in a theater?: A really really long time ago. I think I saw Bourne Supremacy with my sister.
(253) Said "I love you"?: i don't remember.
(254) Missed someone?: all the time.
(255) Fought with a family member?: not recently.
(256) Fought with a friend?: eh, not anything recently.
(257) Had a serious conversation?: earlier today.
(258) Got drunk?: the Saturday before Halloween.
(259) Had sex?: uh... never.

crap mood

I am in a horrific mood today. My patience level is pretty much at zero. So if I was bitchy to you or if I am bitchy to you later, I apologize.

Though I don't know why I should apologize. Everyone has their bad days. Even me. I spend so much of my time trying not to be cross with people. I'm not a saint. People have been snippy with me... why can't I ever be snippy back? I try not to show extreme emotions too much, but when I do (and they're negative emotions), people look at me and tell me to not act the way I do. So then I swallow whatever I'm feeling, until it bubbles over and the cycle starts again. It's not a healthy way for me to deal with things, but it's what I've been doing for a long time.

Why am I being so pissy today? Well, I guess it's just stress adding up... from money issues and classes. If it was just classes, I would be able to deal a bit better. But I hate money. It stresses my mother to no end, who in turn stresses me out.

I think it also has to do with being so social. It sounds bad, but I'm really quite the introvert. I hate being in large crowds. I can deal with social settings usually... but this weekend, I barely had an hour where I could sit and meditate, or just plain chill. If I can't be by myself and unwind, then everything falls apart. Like now. It's not that I don't like people... I do (well, some people anyways :-P)... but my people skills aren't the best, and sometimes when I speak, I can just hear people thinking "wow, she's kind of dumb. She can't even get her words out" and it flusters me. I'm not good at taking my thoughts and making them verbal. I'm tempted to take a vow of silence and just write out everything I want to say. Maybe then I'll stop feeling so damned moronic.

Yeah, my crappy mood also spreads to my self-image. I hate myself today. I'm stupid, a big bitch, gaining weight, unattractive, blah blah blah. Basically, I'm inadequate.

Well, I got a 98 on my latest theo paper, so that made me feel a LITTLE better. But not really. The storm cloud's over my head and it will remain there unless something really good happens. Or I get sleep.

Maybe I should not go to the basketball game tonight. But if I don't, then I'll just hate myself even more for letting myself withdraw from everyone and missing a good time.

At least I know this mood will pass. My goal is to not alienate any friends. Of course, if they stop being a friend because I was difficult for one day, then maybe they never really were good friends, so...

Gilmore Girls rerun is on now. Maybe if I watch that, it'll help my mood. GG always makes me smile.

T.G.I.F (part 2)

So I registered for classes. I got everything I wanted, except for Women in the Bible. Instead, I'm taking Race and Family. It will count towards the women's studies minor, so hey, that's cool. All my professors for the spring are women so far... I don't know my english002 prof yet. Considering all but one of my profs this semester are men, it'll be nice for a change. Oh, and the Race and Family class is at the same time as Women in the Bible, so that's perfect.

What's not so perfect right now is the family situation. My dad lost his job. Money will be tight for a while. But hey, we've survived before with my dad unemployed... though that time, my brother and i weren't both in college. Thankfully for me, we've taken out loans, so we don't have to pay anything for the time being... just books and my apartment. And books for spring semester will be paid from the money I made working on election night and the money I get from band. Hopefully that will cover it. Plus, I'll have whatever money I make over winter break at Hallmark. So I apologize in advance to my friends because I probably won't have very nice Christmas presents for anyone. But textbooks are (unfortunately) more important than presents. Plus, this way, I feel like I am helping my parents out.

So yeah, that's that. If I've been moody or preoccupied lately, also, that's what I've been stressing about. I hate money.

It's a good thing I'm becoming a social worker. Haha.

Anyways, off to Apple Holler! :-)

T.G.I.F

It's Friday! I am so happy that this week is over... though, really, this week was not bad school-wise. In fact, it was pretty easy. After Monday, that is. I had a mini-paper due on Tuesday (which ended up being OVER the 2 pg limit. Which I never do, so go me), and another mini-paper due Thursday. Nothing like last week. However, unfortunately for me, I've had headaches every day this week. Maybe today will be different. Because it's Friday!

Anyways, so not much going on today, class-wise. Sit and take notes. I do register for classes for the spring semester though... during band. Which means I'll be missing the first hour. That's some sad news. Or maybe not. Here's hoping that I get into all the classes I want, or my schedule will become messed up. Oh, and tonight is Apple Holler with the band!! We will be taking a hayrack ride (probably with no hay, if it's like last year) and then eating s'mores and drinking cidar around a big bonfire. Last year, it was a lot of fun, even though I didn't really know anyone.

Well, I have more to blog about, but it'll have to come later. I have to finish getting ready for class.

regarding MeMe requests...

Sorry I don't have any of the Memes done yet. Things have been busy and it's only Monday! (well, it's Tuesday now, technically...) Hopefully things will get a little quieter later in the week and I'll be able to take the pictures and post them.

In the meantime, when you post your 3 things, please also include who you are! I know the first request is Nance, and the second is Tory. But other than that... just let me know, so I can say "this is what wanted to see." It's just not as much fun to say "this is what anonymous wanted to see."

MeMe

I stole this from Nance, who stole it from Krisnreine. I have no idea why it's called MeMe. But I thought it would be fun to do, especially since I have a digital camera. I have no idea how to post pictures in here, but I can figure it out. So here's what you do...

Think of three (3) pictures you'd like to see relating to me. Things around my house, family, neighborhood yada yada... something that won't be too hard to take a picture of.

Post them in my comments section, and I will comply!

But uh... since my family doesn't live here, don't ask for anything about them. And neighborhood might be a little difficult, since I live in a city. But anything around the apartment is fair game.

craziness...

Yup, that pretty much sums up the past week. And on top of it, the election came and went, and Bush is president for another 4 years. And boy, do I have plenty to say about THAT. But hey, whining about it isn't going to get anyone anywhere. Instead, I will be doing what I can to try to prevent certain things from happening. All signs indicate a culture war and hey, I'm there. Actually, some people think we're already in a culture war (one of these people is the former president Clinton who, despite being a hypocrite in respect to international affairs, is quite a smart man), but this is just the beginning.

I don't really want to blog about where I think this country is headed. I already have a headache and thinking more about the country might make my head explode. So I'm going to be egocentric and talk about my little world.

I've been feeling a lot like a heinous bitch lately. I don't know... I just have no patience for anyone. It's probably related to the major lack of sleep I got this past week. That, and stress. I have two papers due Monday (I wrote one today... the other one gets it's time tomorrow) and another two due Tuesday (though one is optional, and I've weighed my options and it might not get done). There's a basketball game on Monday that I probably shouldn't go to, but since I'm being so anti-social this weekend, I think I'll go have some fun. I haven't left my apartment all weekend, though tomorrow I have to meet my philosophy group at Starbucks. Mmm, coffee... anyways. That's not going to exactly be fun though, 'cause we're compiling our paper.

Okay, I lied about saying I wasn't going to talk more about the election... http://chrisevans3d.com/files/iq.htm
I think the part about the positive correlation between divorce rate and voting for Bush is quite interesting. And CT has the highest av IQ out of the 50 states. And IL isn't too shabby either, at #9.

Now I'm done.

Keane. The band. I can't get enough of them. They have a song on the OC soundtrack, vol. 2. Check it out. Also, Jem's cover of Paul McCartney's Maybe I'm Amazed is on there, and it's beautiful. If I ever get married, I think I would want that played as the first dance with my hubby. More about Keane, for those who haven't heard of them (which seems to be quite a bit of people). They're brit rock, but without guitars. Their guitar player left the band before they hit it big, and instead of replacing of him, they decided to just stay a trio - piano, percussion, vocalist. It's a different kind of sound, but it works well for them (well, it's not really different, because Coldplay has been doing the same sort of thing for a while, but... yeah). I think they're just absolutely fantastic.

There are a bunch of movies out, or that will be coming out soon, that I want to see. First off, P.S. with Laura Linney and Topher Grace. I'm starting to respect Laura Linney more and more... she's fast becoming one of my favorite actresses. And Topher Grace is just adorable. There isn't anything about him that I don't like (and he even grew up in CT, near where I lived). The movie looks to be maybe a little bit cheesy, but I want to see it all the same. Another movie... Alfie. Jude Law is not only one good looking man, but a good actor as well. However, another Jude Law movie has my interested more peaked... Closer. I saw a commercial for it on tv the other night and now I must see it. Also, I think It's All About Love is FINALLY coming out (it was supposed to come out like 2 years ago). I'm so curious about that movie, it's another must see. Now I just have to find time to watch these movies.

Garden State comes out on dvd at the end of December. I think I might just skip renting it and just buy it. I'm so bummed that I never got to see it in the theater... I've recently become addicted to Zach Braff's blog. He is one funny guy.

So now that I've blogged quite a bit about entertainment stuff, I suppose I should go to sleep. My head is pounding. Maybe I'll have a glass of juice beforehand. I'm thirsty.

wired

Okay... so I told myself that I would go to bed early. It's now past 1 AM. Not exactly early. And I am kind of hyper. Which is totally wrong, because I got a whole 4 hours of sleep last night. Why? Because I was studying for my research methods test... and I think I failed the test anyways. A few good hours of sleep sacrified for nothing. All I have to say is... there goes my 'A' in research methods. :sigh:

But anyways... I'm not going to think about that anymore.

I just made up my schedule for spring semester. The idea of an english minor is out. Too many boring classes. Instead, I'm going to have a women's studies minor. Which was what I intended to have freshman year. I should have just stuck with it. I only need to take 5 classes to get it, too. I'm hopefully taking 3 in the spring, and one of them, Women in the Bible, will also count as my third required theo class. All the psych classes seem to have incredibly heinous times, so it looks like I'll be stuck taking Intro to Social Psych. I took social psych at COD, but the credit didn't transfer over, so this will probably end up being fairly repetitive. But hey, that's alright with me.

So here's what it looks like I'm taking (I register next Friday, which is pretty early, so hopefully, I will get the classes I want)...

Rhetoric and Comp 2 (gag...)... MWF 11-11:50
Intro to Social Psych... MWF 12-12:50
Women in Society... MW 1-2:15
Women in the Bible... TuTh 11-12:15
Women/Crime/Justice... TuTh 12:25-1:50

Not bad, huh? I'm getting more and more excited about these classes.

The women's studies minor also means that I can graduate in Dec '05, instead of in the spring of '06. I was thinking about it... and after the spring term, all I need is 2 more classes from women's studies, and at least 1 more psych class. If I can take 2 psych classes, that makes 4 classes. And I need something called "senior experience," and then I'm done. So I could bump the WS minor to a major, but that would be pretty intense. I suppose I'll talk to my advisor and see what she thinks (if she's any help at all).

On non-school related items, Halloween was fun. I recovered enough to go out. Saturday night was kind of crazy, with the band party. But it was good times. Maybe I'll post a pic here of us in our costumes. I was wearing a wig, so people kept looking at me weird, then going "Leah! I almost didn't recognize you!" It was funny.

Well anyways... as eventful as the weekend was, I don't feel like blogging any more at the moment. Tomorrow night, I will be working (yes, working... and getting paid! $10 an hour!) on some election stuff (counting votes or something equally entertaining). And Wednesday night is the first basketball game of the season! Woohoo!

evil women?

This Monday has been uneventful so far. But I'm sick, so it sucks anyways. However, I made the executive decision to skip phil. and take an extended nap so I can go to band. I know, I know, my priorities may seem kind of skewed. But it's too late now. And we're sightreading in band. I like to sight read.

Oh, and on the way back from class just now, I was stuck walking behind a smoker. My throat is already irritated, thanks... it did not appreciate having to inhale cigarette smoke. Ugh.

So in Shakespeare, we just started reading Macbeth. And someone brought up the fact that a woman (Lady Macbeth) is the cause of all of the evil within the play. And how that wasn't fair. That made me think: people don't like to think of women as evil. By nature, women are supposed to be nurturing, motherly... which all adds up to "kind."

I don't buy that. Women can be just as evil as men. There's no predisposition for women to be nicer than men... it's just societal and cultural. Women are expected to be "nice." But if women are really equal to men, then women have just as much a right to be mean. I mean, ideally, it would be nice if everyone was kind to each other. But that's just not possible (apparently). However, this does not mean that I think that women have a predisposition to be evil... I don't think men do either.

Evil women in literature fascinate me. Maybe because they're better character studies. Maybe because I myself am evil.

Anyways, that's my schpiel of the day. I could blog about my fall break... but I think I'd rather sleep.

next weekend is almost here already. woo.

That's right. The next weekend starts TOMORROW for me. Yay for fall break. Of course, it's just a 4.5 day weekend, but still. Better than nothing. I've been kinda snippy lately, so I think it's good that I can get away for a few days. It might be my introverted self being resentful at all the social life I've had lately.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about this weekend. It was some good fun. Friday night was Midnight Madness... it got boring after a while (as usual) and so Erin (one of the other flute players) and I began making animal noises. She does a really good angry hippo. Ask her about it. After getting home after 1 AM, I went to sleep at around 2 and woke up 6 hours later to play at "Morning Madness" (we watched the women's team's first practice and scrimmage). Came home at around 12:30 to take a looong nap... but not as long as I was planning. The heater pipes were clanging together and my next door neighbor was playing trumpet, so I woke up after about 2 and a half hours. I studied a little, chilled a lot, then got ready for my roommate's big birthday dinner... which was a LOT of fun. We went to the Safe House, which has this whole spy-theme... reminded me a lot of Alias (being the obsessed freak that I am). It was 3 couples... and then another guy, James, and me (a non-couple). It was kind of weird sometimes, but no biggie. At least I knew him and am friends with him... nothing is worse than being with a bunch of couples and a guy you don't know. It's like a blind date. But... not. Not like that I know what a blind date is like (thankfully). ANYWAYS.

Decided not to go dancing after dinner, since it was already about 11, and one of the couples and the guy decided to go home. And rather than go dancing with two couples, I opted to go home too. Don't get me wrong... all four people are good people... but the idea of going dancing with two couples is quite squiffy. Plus, I thought it would be better, with the band concert being the next day and call time being noon.

Which leads me to the band concert. It went quite well, though I messed up a few times. Blah. And it's on DVD. On my solo in one of the marches, the guest conductor made me stand up for it. As I sat back down, everyone applauded, even though the piece was only half over. It was the weirdest feeling ever.

Then I went home and studied. And studied and studied. Oh, and watched Love Actually. I had a midterm today, in theories of personality. I studied a LOT more for it than I did for the first test, so hopefully I did better. I really can't afford another bad grade in that class.

On the other hand, I got my theology midterm back (the one I took last week... apparently it was a midterm. Good to know. I thought it was just a normal test). I got a 97!!

Alright, I suppose I should get some stuff done. I want to try to go to sleep early tonight. But we'll see if that happens (it never does).

Oh, and if you do read this, drop me a comment. I like to know who's reading my blabber. :-) It would be much appreciated and it doesn't take a lot of time.

rant on The Ugly Duckling

It's finally the weekend! Yay! Too bad I have a test on Tuesday that I desperately need to study for. But it's the weekend. And next weekend (well, Wednesday)... I get to go home!! Yay!

So anyways, I have a rant. I was thinking about this while walking back from class the other day (yeah, I think about random things at random times). I can't stand fairy tales. They lie.

I mean, don't even get me started on the whole concept of the beautiful princess in need of rescue by a dashing prince. There is no Prince Charming. And in many stories, the prince kisses the princess without her consent. That would be considered sexual harrassment now. If I was in a coma, I wouldn't want some random guy (who I don't know) kissing me.

And then there's the Ugly Duckling. I used to love that story when I was little. The little ugly grey duckling grew up to become a beautiful swan. I thought I was this ugly little kid and maybe one day, I'd grow up to become a beautiful "swan." Well, I'm grown up (pretty much, anyways) and that hasn't happened. And I know it never will. You can't change how you look. What's wrong with staying "ugly" your whole life? Isn't it more important what is INSIDE you? Well, I guess in this lookist country, that's not entirely true. If you have the intelligence, you have to have the looks too, or you're less likely to be noticed.

Well anyways. That's my rant. Kind of short, but I'm hungry. Watching Friends and eating dumplings commences... now.

getting closer...

Wednesday is about over. The weekend is almost here.

Though really, I have a lot of stuff to do over the weekend, so maybe I shouldn't be so excited. But I am. And I'm even more excited about the weekend than I was when I last blogged (Monday, I think?).

So Friday night is Midnight Madness. Saturday night was supposed to be the flute dinner, but the flute dinner has been changed to a flute "lets have lunch and eat breakfast food." Basically, we're getting together after a pep band thing (that takes place in the morning) that came up kind of last minute. But we're playing for the women's basketball team, so it's all good. We like the women's team. Which means that Saturday night, I can fully celebrate Katie (my roommate) being one year older. Dinner and dancing at some club. I have yet to go to a 21 and over club. And Sunday, of course, is the band concert (Varsity Theater, 2 pm! Not like anyone who reads this actually lives in the area... or do you?).

My stomach has been giving me BIG pains today and yesterday. It comes and goes, but it's not exactly pleasant. I have really strong prescription pain meds... but they make me really really sleepy, and I need to study for about another hour. Plus, if I take a pill now, I won't be able to get up for class. And since I skipped the class on Tuesday, I probably should go on Thursday. Especially since I have a test in that class next Tuesday. It's been three weeks since the last test and this test is going to cover 6 theorists (this is for theories of personality)... which is about 5 chapters in the text (and each chapt. is at least 20 pages). It's a lot of material.

Oh, so today in philosophy, we got our synopses back... I had done mine the night before it was due and had no real clue what it was supposed to be, so I summarized the chapter. My prof was talking about what people did wrong (lots of bullshitting) and then he read out loud part of a paper that he said got it right. He couldn't name the author of course, but as he started reading, I thought "that sounds kind of familiar..." That's right, it was my paper. It was so nice to get something right for once. I got an A on it. :-D

Well, I just made a huge thing of genmai cha, so I'm going to drink that, listen to music, and get back to the studying.

is it the weekend yet?

Is it the weekend yet?

I think I ask that every Monday or Tuesday. But this weekend is shaping up to be really fun. Well, mostly fun. Friday night is Midnight Madness, which will be exciting at first, and then after an hour or two, I'm sure it'll become really really boring. We meet at 9:30 (PM) and will probably not be done until 1-ish (AM). The first major pep band event of the year though. Woohoo! Saturday is the flute dinner... more bonding with the flute section. Always enjoyable. And then after that, we're celebrating my roommate's birthday (which on Sunday, but we can't celebrate properly on a Sunday). And Sunday is the band concert. :cringe: My debut as piccolo player. And it's going to be on a DVD. :bigger cringe: I'm sure I'll be fine... but why does the DVD have to be made for my first concert on picc?

More about that DVD... it's for this composer, Goldman, who composed a bunch of marches. We're playing a few of them. And for some reason, Marquette has been chosen to be the "sample band."

I'm really looking forward to having my nervous fidgeting on a DVD forever (I fidget like crazy when I'm nervous... I also shake profusely. It's a good time. Not).

But yeah, fun weekend. And then there are 3 days of classes after that and then fall break! Yay! I get to go home and see my family (including my dog, who I miss so much) and some friends (actually, probably just Tory. But that's cool. I love my sknank). And I'm going to go get my hair cut. It's getting long and my bangs are driving me nuts. And then I have to go into Hallmark and tell my manager when I can start work for Christmas break (it would be a good idea to find out when that is beforehand...).

So on Everwood, there is this new character, Hannah, who is painfully shy. She has a hard time talking to guys she likes. She reminds me of myself. A guy in one of my classes, who I think is cute, talks to me and I have a horrific time trying to talk to him back. The words just can't form coherent sentences in my head. And then I feel like I say stupid things. I probably don't... but he must think I'm some sort of crazy person. Which I am. But I don't like (all) cute boys to know that. The fact that I can't talk comfortably around this guy probably means I could never date him... not that it's likely to happen. And I'm not upset about that. Everyone should date people they are comfortable around... which is kind of a big "duh."

My webpage has been under construction for about a month. No, it's not taking a long time to do. I just don't have the motivation to get it all done. :sigh: One of these days...

Well hello there. Going to bed very soon but I thought I'd blog first.

Tonight was fun. A few of the flutes got together at Erin's for some ice cream (and sugar coma) and games and stuff. We played Catch Phrase, which is always entertaining. Especially when Megan asks if a male cow is really called a bull and I say that a baker's dozen is 12. Then we all walked to Dominos, got pizza, walked back, ate said pizza and watched Never Been Kissed (where I commenced to drool over Michael Vartan). And we did a lot of talking.

Plus, at the grocery store, I bought a little bitty pumpkin and tomorrow (well, later today) I get to attack it with paint pens. I've been looking for an excuse to use my paint pens (and if they have dried up, I'll have a fit!). I also have to study, but decorating the mini-pumpkin sounds more exciting.

Oh, so on my first research methods test, I ended up with an AB. Not bad. Actually, that's pretty damn good. And it makes me mad that I did so badly on the theories of personality test, because if I study, I AM capable of making good grades. So the moral of the story? Study, dammit. Studying for the weekend will consist of reading act1 of Henry IV for Shakespeare (zzzzz), reading/taking notes from the personality text (not so bad), and maybe looking over my notes for the theo test on Tuesday (I'm not too worried about this class, because I have a really good grasp of the material... like, if the prof asks a question in class, I always know the answer. But it's better to be prepared, right?).

I went to the mall yesterday with Anna. Express is having a sale and I bought a pair of jeans. And a birthday present for my roommate. Then we got chinese food from Panda Express. Mmmm americanized chinese food. But hey, it was pretty good. And from the grocery store, I bought cabbage and chicken dumplings, which are REALLY good. I definately like asian cuisine the best... which isn't surprising.

Okay, before writing about food makes me hungry, I'm going to go crash.

other whackos

While I'm on a roll, I found something else to rant about.

Taken straight from the MU events calender...

< 2nd Annual Animal Rights BBQ

Dates: October 5, 2004, Tuesday Location: Schroeder Field

Please come and enjoy a free hamburger in an effort to protest animal rights extremists (such as PETA) and appreciate the gifts God has given us. "There is room for all God's creatures, right next to the mashed potatoes." >

I find this kind of offensive.

I mean, I agree... PETA is kind of a whacko organization. I'm "only" a semi-vegetarian (I eat seafood and the occasional chicken) and I don't care if you eat a steak, rare, in front of me (though I'll have the last laugh if you die from uncooked meat poisoning). But it's just so condescending. I mean, animals are on the earth just for human use? It's horrible. It assumes that humans are most important on earth. Forget the fact that humans damage the earth the most... i suppose the earth was created just for humans to ruin. Now, I don't believe in any god, but I'd assume that the Christian God would not be as condescending as that.

Like in the Bible, the whole story of Noah's ark. Noah had to take care of all the animals in the flood. Yeah, right. Animals may not have the thinking capacity of humans, but they have better instincts (and better hearing/eyesight/smell/etc) and I think some of them would have been able to fend for themselves.

Alright, that's my second rant. I think I should stop now before *I* offend anyone.

right-to-life wackos

So, first off, apparently today is Peter O'Toole today. Two of my three profs mentioned him and a movie that he was in... and highly recommended the respective movies. I think there may be a Peter O'Toole conspiracy going on.

While I was walking back from campus, I passed one guy who was muttering to himself. And another guy who was holding his... crotch. And no, it wasn't some dirty homeless guy. It was a student. I wanted to ask him if he was afraid his balls were going to fall off if he didn't hold them in place. Or maybe he was protecting them. Just in case.

Best of all... the Right-to-Life crazy people have struck again. In the quad of the campus, the crosses are stuck into the ground (all the tiny holes they are going to leave will make the grounds maintenance people do a happy dance, I'm sure). You know which crosses I'm talking about... or you live in a cave. Which actually wouldn't be such a bad place to be when it comes to the freaking crosses that are supposed to represent tiny graves of aborted fetuses. Each cross represents two abortions. You know the schpiel.

I'm not saying that I advocate abortions. I don't think they're great and I don't go around telling every pregnant woman or woman who could become pregnant one day that they should have at least one abortion in their life, preferably four or five. But if you want to get rid of abortion, making it illegal is not the answer. Illegal abortions happened in dark, dirty alleys and other dark dirty places. And women got infections and died (look what happened to Penny in Dirty Dancing). OR the women, desperate because they absolutely could not have a child (and really, who are you to judge their situation or say 'well, they should have had the baby anyways'?), would do the abortion themselves. And the common tool used in these home abortions? A hanger. That's right, a wire coat hanger.

Instead, wouldn't it be smarter to support organizations like Planned Parenthood, who do provide abortions... but they also teach about the different types of birth control. They also inform teens about sex. It's scary how many teens are sexually active... but don't exactly know how a woman gets pregnant. They also provide extensive information on the different abortion procedures (it's amazing how many right-to-lifers don't exactly know the different methods of abortion. It's not just the crying, trembling fetus being yanked out of the womb and then the doctor smashing its head in). If you want to get rid of the need for abortions, you have to educate people.

Interestingly, the Bush administration has been cutting back funding for organizations like Planned Parenthood and backing plans to teach abstinance only... and get rid of sex ed. It's very unrealistic to think that if you teach a teen how abstinance is the only way to go, they will not have sex until they're ready to become pregnant. Teens have raging hormones... and they are curious. There will be teens who will have sex, no matter what you preach to them in the classroom. And what about the inner-city kids who don't have any type of sex ed to begin with? Is it smart to cut off places like Planned Parenthood, who try to reach out and educate them?

Wow, didn't mean to go on a whole rampage about abortion. I just get carried away. Yes, there are religious issues about how the life begins at conception... but you can't use that as the reason to make abortion illegal for EVERYBODY in the US. Not everybody is a Christian. And not everybody believes that life begins at conception. I certainly don't, and until it can be scientifically proven when life begins, I absolutely am insulted by someone else's beliefs being forced to become my own. I have a mind and I can think for myself. If you don't like abortions, don't have one. It's that simple. Don't shove your morals down someone else's throat.

Aaanyways, so how's that for a Monday rant? At least I bought some cookies n'mint chocolate (from Hersheys) to pacify me so I don't go on a rampage and rip all the crosses out of the ground and burn them ceremoniously. I'm tempted to go put some wire hangers on the big signs out on the quad.

I suppose this is what I get for going to a Jesuit university.

slaves to routine?

First of all, I would like to say that I accurately predicted my grade on my theories of personality test. Which is NOT a good thing. I get my research methods test back tomorrow and I'm sure I did much better on that one (seeing as I actually STUDIED for it. Obsessively).

So today, in theology class (it's actually called "Christian Faith in Cultural Contexts" but fuck it. That's too long. It's just "theo"), I walk in. And someone is sitting in my seat. Actually, no one was even sitting there. There was just a bag and a jacket on the seat. Really, I didn't care, but it threw the whole seating chart off. Yes, we have an actual seating chart. And the professor actually noted that a bunch of us weren't in the right seats. And the girl who was sitting in my seat today actually sits behind me, but someone was sitting in HER seat because someone was sitting in HIS seat. This is what happens when everyone actually comes to class, I guess. It was just an annoyance because I couldn't believe it was really that big of a deal. We all got seats. Everyone was just off one seat. And dammit, it wasn't my fault.

So that makes me wonder... are we all slaves to routine? Everyone seemed to look slightly uncomfortable in the new seats. And the professor looked slightly baffled for a little bit. So the seating chart was slightly off for one day. Was it really such a big deal?

I'm currently putting together the final group project for this current section of philosophy class. Everyone was supposed to email me their Word documents by 10 PM. Unfortunately, two of the people in my group have Macs, not PCs, so it was interesting reformatting their stuff. And then I was reading through another member's contribution, and it was written in first person, which I said specifically that we SHOULD NOT do. We wrote an Honor Code, and no other school wrote any part of their HC in first person. I can't fix it because it's his work, but damn. He's the only one who did it and it annoyed me. Thankfully, after each section, I have to put who wrote it, so thankfully, the prof will know. But still.

Today has just been a negative day. I had forgotten that the first pres. debate was tonight, so ER was pre-empted. And it made me mad, because I missed Lost last night ('cause my roomie was watching a movie), and I was really looking forward to ER. Instead, I napped. Didn't really watch the debate because I can't stand Bush.

I wish this weekend was shaping up to be more interesting than it probably will be. I want to hang out with people. Including... Yes, one of these days, this person will have a name. Maybe. If not, it'll just be a big mystery. He'll just be some mystery guy I like. Unless you already know who it is.

Well, it's back to the extremely-painful-to-organize-Honor-Code. Stupid HC...

bouncing off the walls

And no, the title of this entry has nothing to do with that Sugarcult song. That song is kind of annoying.

Aaaanyways, I really AM bouncing off the walls. I've got all this energy... gotta love the diet pills. I've spent the night studying (well, except when I was watching Gilmore Girls... but of course I'm allowed a break for GG), and this energy makes things fun. And don't harp on me for being on these pills. I like the energy. I'm studying for my research methods test, which is tomorrow. I feel so prepared. Of course, in the process, I've basically ignored my philosophy work (I'm supposed to write the dissention for the reasons to have an honor code. I've also written the reasons WHY we have an honor code. Somehow, I think I'm taking on too much of the group work, but eh, whatever).

In addition to studying and bouncing off the walls, I'm listening to the Garden State soundtrack yet again and eating cookie dough ice cream (the Ben and Jerry's kind... because I really need more sugar). I love the Garden State soundtrack... all of the songs are amazing. And it's got this laid back, yet explosive quality. Now I just need to see the movie. Hopefully, I can find someone who wants to go see it this weekend. I want to see it before it leaves the theaters.

Oh, I didn't get my theories of personality test back today. Grrrrr! She said she couldn't finish grading them all, and that she would have the grades posted on blackboard by this afternoon. Yeah, it's past this afternoon and the grades aren't up. I want to know how I did. At least, I want to confirm my 'D'.

I am NOT getting a D on my research methods test though, I can tell you that.

Okay, back to the studying.

another filler entry

Don't really have anything new to share. Other than the fact that I would rather die than go through this week. Okay, I'm being really dramatic here. There are no real suicidal thoughts going through my head. I do want to get my theories of personality test back tomorrow though. I don't know why... I'm pretty sure I got a D. Maybe I am suicidal, after all.

Well anyways, I stole this from Tory's LJ again... my comments are in italics.

Bold the ones that are you.

01. I miss somebody right now.
02. I don't watch much TV these days. - you're kidding right?
03. I love olives. - well, i don't HATE them...
04. I love sleeping. - yessss. Sleeping is the best.
05. I own lots of books. - yes, I love books.
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
07. I love to play video games.
08. I've tried marijuana.
09. I've watched porn movies. - i was hanging out in a (guy) friend's room, drinking with some friends, and all of a sudden there was porn on the tv and this guy friend wouldn't change the channel. And then later, he tried to get me to sleep with him. Yeah, not friends with him anymore.
10. I have been in a threesome.
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. - i admit it. I totally was, once. Then I grew up.
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
13. I have acne free skin. - well, for the most part.
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton. - um, I don't know much about him.
15. I curse frequently. - indeed
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. - yes, i have. Which is a good thing (mostly).
17. I have a hobby. - uh, i've got a few hobbies... if you call them "hobbies".
18. I've been told I have a nice butt. -
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. - that's a little scary...
20. I'm really, really smart. - definately not. I think I'm a moron most of the time.
21. I've never broken someone's bones.
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal. - naw, i really don't.
23. I hate the rain. - are you kidding? I love rain.
24. I'm paranoid at times. - hey, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. ;-)
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar free. - uh, no.
26. I need money right now. - yeah, when *don't* I need money?
27. I love sushi. - well, what do you expect?
28. I talk really, really fast. - hehe... sometimes I do.
29. I have fresh breath in the morning. - i don't think that's possible...
30. I have semi-long hair. - it's just past my shoulders...
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas. - never been.
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister. - exactly 1 brother and 1 sister.
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs. - when i feel like wearing a skirt or shorts (which is a very rare occasion)
35. I have a twin.
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D. - i'm sure i could LIVE without it
38. I like the way that I look. - no.
39. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months. - naw, i don't think so
40. I know how to do cornrows.
41. I am usually pessimistic. - but only about myself
42. I have mood swings. - indeed i do
43. I think prostitution should be legalized.
44. I think Britney Spears is hot. - no.
45. I have cheated on significant other.
46. I have a hidden talent.
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have. - pfft, sometimes i'm not hyper after having lots of sugar.
48. I think that I'm popular. - no, and i don't really care to be.
49. I am currently single.
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
51. I enjoy talking on the phone. - not highlighting this, because I don't always enjoy the phone.
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. - only on the weekends
53. I love to shop. - shopaholic i am
54. I would rather shop than eat. - well... it depends. But this is a tough one.
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders. - when i was little. I thought it was cool.
57. I'm obsessed with my LJ - don't have one.
58. I don't hate anyone. - but some do come close...
59. I'm a pretty good dancer. - well, it depends on the type of dancing.
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington. - well, it's none of my business.
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother. - there are certain occasions (like when she's yelling at people), but usually, it's all cool.
62. I have a cell phone.
63. I watch MTV on a daily basis - naw, just sometimes. I like VH1 better.
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months. - passed out? No.
66. I love drama. - as a genre of movie/tv show, yes.
67. I have never been in a real relationship before.
68. I've rejected someone before. - a few people... i won't be mean and mention names.
69. I currently have a crush on someone.
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
71. I want to have children in the future. - no! I want to maybe adopt one, that's it.
72. I have changed a diaper before. - honestly, i don't know if i have.
73. I've had the cops called on me before.
74. I bite my nails.
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club. - yeah, not so much
76. I'm not allergic to anything. - i'm allergic to cats, some dogs, and, well... air.
77. I have a lot to learn. - we all do.
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger....
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes. - yeah, this is part of my problem.
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message. - well, until my computer dies.
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved. - yup
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before. - *tried* alcohol? Sure... tried...
84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
85. I own the "South Park" movie. - not a fan of South Park...
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum. - wow, that sounds dirty.
88. I enjoy some country music. - noooooooooooo
89. I love my best friends. - well, duh.
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza. - dominos pizza is better.
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist. - yes, but i'm also lazy. Hm... figure that one out...
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all. - tee hee
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy. - well, I like the parties...
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it. - no, not a fan. I think it's annoying.
98. I have dated a close friend's ex. - well, in HS, a bunch of us all kissed the same guy. No, not at the same time.
99. I'm happy as of this moment. - no, i'm stressed, and it's not a good time. But thanks for asking. :-)